That is interesting, Ales, and I'd agree with pretty much everything that's in there. I think the thing that's so hard about family situations is obviously that you are raised in this way, you are truly dependent on your parents and you tend to grow up thinking that what goes on in your home is normal. It was years before I realised that most people didn't behave the way my mum did/does and that in itself is difficult and very confusing - who's right? Who's wrong? How much of it is down to me? and so on.
I realised very recently that I tend to try and make people like me. I pay much more attention to people who don't return my calls, don't phone, don't ask me how I am, than I do to those who are good, kind, sweet and just normal. I've been very sad in recent months as I've realised a lot of my 'friends' aren't that at all. I've been ill for most of the year (getting better now, though) and most people I know haven't offered to help or even called to see how I am from time to time. I've realised that I've not set boundaries with any of these people, or asked anything from them over the years, I've been available whenever it suited them, put up with comments and behaviour I didn't like and accepted them not being interested in me. Just old patterns, finally realised and now being worked on.
The only thing I didn't agree with was No Contact being the only way. Although for me it did turn out to be the only way, I do know of people who have managed to manage their relationship. The downside of no contact, as I see it, is that it can mean no contact with the entire family, and/or pressure from them to make up etc. It's also hard if there are children/grandchildren involved, work/money/property issues and so on. There were times when it was easier to deal with a superficial get together with my mum than it was to deal with the fall out of making a stand. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. But ultimately no contact was good for me. Hope things are going alright with you? xx
