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Almost died - wish I did

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finding peace:
Had a subdural hematoma (aka brain bleed)

Was med vacced to Hospital of University of Penn from my local hosp.

Best neurology unit in the world

Very, very close to dying  - would have died had I not been co-optered to U of P

Had a 50/50 chance of living - turned out I was on the lucky side of 50

My H did this........... after breaking my ribs

My heart is breaking

Know what I need help with?

I feel sorry for him

Am in excruciating pain

And yet, still feel bad for him

Please, please give me a reality check

I feel bad for him..... I know he can't handle my pain because of his pain.... I know this.... and yet I am in agony .... help me please

Twoapenny:
Finding Peace - I am so sorry you have been so unwell but so glad you have pulled through.  I truly believe things happen for a reason - perhaps you've come through this because you deserve a second chance at a normal, healthy, happy life.

Feeling sorry for abusers is very common.  It's part of the cycle of abuse; it's what makes us keep going back for more and it's how they manipulate us into doing what they want instead of making healthy choices.

Are there domestic abuse groups you can contact for support, advice, counselling?  In the UK we have things like Women's Aid and Victim Support.  Is there something similar for you?

I think understanding why you feel the way you do is key to breaking free from it.  It takes time and I'm guessing you have physical healing to do as well as emotional.

In the meantime, no contact is essential.  Are the police involved, is he being prosecuted? xx

BonesMS:
Peace,

For your own sake and safety, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get away from your abuser!  Call a Hotline!  Get to a House of Ruth!  GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION.....PLEASE!!!!

I know my communication is based on emotions so I may not sound rational.  A friend of mine, who I have known since BEFORE she was born...who I held in my arms as a newborn 33 years ago....was beaten to death by someone who professed to love her!!!!  PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!  PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

sKePTiKal:
Peace,

I am SOOOO sorry to hear this. I am afraid FOR YOU.

You are right, that he has his own pain... but please, ask yourself this question:

With all the pain you're going through right now, would you almost kill someone because of it? I don't think you would.
 
You do not have some magic powers to relieve his pain; you do not hold the key to helping him sort out his puzzle, solve the mystery, make him all better. No one can, except himself - but instead of doing that - he chooses to "feel better" in the present moment by hurting someone else and trying to release his pain -- by physically harming someone else. There will be a next time; no matter promises are spoken.

Only YOU can decide to save yourself. But, don't you have kids? Don't you have a responsibility to protect them, too? PLEASE: you need to save yourself FIRST, to be able to save the kids. Do whatever it takes. Do it right NOW and do not stop to do anything else first.

Everything else, will come after that first step and you will have plenty of help with that. Just take the very first step.
We love you and know that there is never, ever a time that love expresses itself like this. You are in grave danger - no matter what he says now - and you HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU, WHERE YOU ARE.

Didn't your doctor ask you what happened? Did you tell him or her? He or she can help you take that first step.

(My screen name was PR...)

Dr. Richard Grossman:
Dear finding peace,

The first thing you must do is find safety and take care of yourself.  Then listen to all the fine advice from the posters on this board.  You’re worth it and you deserve it. 

Thinking of you, 

Richard 

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