Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Almost died - wish I did

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CB123:
How are you, Peace?  Thinking of you today and wishing I could package up some "peace" to give you.  I agree with everyone who has written in the last couple of days.  You don't have to put a happy face on, or try to be upbeat.  We will listen and care for you even if you arent upbeat.  Although sometimes watching something really funny helps me even when I feel terrible.  If I were there, we would watch some stupid cat video on youtube.  That always makes me forget how bad I hurt--even if just for a minute.  Like an aspirin for the soul. 

Let us know how you are,

CB

lighter:
Peace:

I know you're exhausted, in pain, and contantly overwhelmed.

Please remember we're thinking of you, and listening when you need to reach out.

Lighter

Izzy_*now*:
Dearest FP

I just cannot believe what some people have to endure just to get through life. I include myself, yu and many others on this Forum.

I cannot believe the choices we make and I am positive now that if we cannot learn some wonderful lessons from our parents, we are on our own. There is no God watching over and protecting us-- my newly developed opinion, with my own experiences.)

I have been through similar to you, then 2 car crashes, then one after another that I cannot keep track and right now


:I do not know what to do:

I just recently realized that the choices were mine----not what _god_ set out for me, and I have basically been taking the road always travelled. Well now for a change. *I* will look after me, and not depend ion ANYONE else and travel my own road.

I know not what else to say.

Best of Luck

xx
Izzy

sKePTiKal:
Hi Peace... how're ya doin?
Getting better, I hope.

Been thinkin' about ya!

sea storm:
I am so sorry this happened to you. No one ever deserves this kind of abuse EVER. No one. No dog, No cat, No child. And certainly not a woman. NEVER. No matter what you did or mistakenly think you did to deserve it.  You did nothing to deserve it.  I used to get beaten up by a man I loved more than myself and more than life. I could not stop loving him no matter what happened.
It has taken me decades to begin to understand it.

For some women like me we are trauma bonded with our lovers.  This means that when someone hurts us, instead of getting away as soon as possible we are HOOKED.  It is like being addicted to heroin or smack. Nothing anyone can say seems to penetrate the connection between the  man who hurts us and our hearts. On top of that is the humiliation of still wanting them 100 percent no matter what they do to us. Sometimes when the beating was really bad I was like a beaten dog and I would go with anyone who could give me even a morsel of love and it was always him.  So we spiralled into hell.
I am good at keeping up appearances and looked ok on the surface.  But this was like a death dance.

I have learned that is being trauma bonded. The reason I was trauma bonded is because as a child I had to love my parents no matter what.

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