Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Small Steps

<< < (3/8) > >>

Hopalong:
Boy, can I relate to the struggle to prioritize.

I feel so overwhelmed by what I "should" do that I often don't do what I CAN do.

It's stoooooooooooooopid.

I should make lists, eternal lists.

love
Hops

sKePTiKal:
My lists used to be... like shackles. I gave them a lot more power over me than was realistic. Then, I went through the flipping off the list stage -- :P -- a dumb list can't tell me what to do!! stage. Now, my lists are so I don't forget "me" and the things "I want to do"! LOL... there are just so many things zooming through the head lately...

I've been in kind of a fog lately. Some of it is plain old sinusitis and not sleeping well as a consequence. But the other part, I feel a sort of power-struggle between some of the things I want to do < -- > and all the normal stuff that needs to get done. I really want someone to "do for me" lately. Told hubs, all I want for our anniversary is for him to call the repair guy to fix the noisy (as in, wakes me up noisy) attic exhaust fan. How romantic, right? I just want to be the one who gets "taken care of" every once in a while...

whether I deserve it or not!! LOL.

Twoapenny:
I can relate to the lists thing, Skep, my T used to tell me it's a control thing - 'if I write endless lists of things to do I'll be okay' type of approach.  I do remember using it as a CBT technique and it being very effective when I was depressed so that I'd focus on getting things done but it can go too far and dominate everything.  I got to the point where I'd write something on the list after I'd done it so that I could immediately cross it off!!!!!!!!!!!

We have taken a big small step this weekend and went to a music festival for three days.  It is the sort of thing that I love and the sort of thing I have been too scared to do since all the false accusations stuff happened when my son was small.  I've felt I had to stay home and be a quiet, mousy mum and not draw attention to myself - not that there's anything wrong with that but it's not me!  The natural me loves out there people and adventure and I just haven't done anything like that for such a long time.  So we took ourselves and our tent off and spent three days in luscious countryside listening to loads of good music, eating chips and generally enjoying ourselves.  It was wonderful and has given me a real boost :)

Hopalong:
Tupp, you hippie!
What a delight to imagine you doing that.

May the festival feelings last for you!

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Well, I don't know if this "counts"... but I took y'alls advice about maybe hiring out some of the work around here. Had someone come and pressure wash the cobwebs/bugs off the eaves and nooks/crannies of the house... then he came back to do the windows outside. No ladders involved at all! Just a really long wand with cleaner and a hose. And young, strong arms and back!!  It looks FABULOUS! The house that is...   ;)

"Benjamin" looks like a surfer who's grappling with "real life" now. Wife and two small kids... and 3 jobs!! 2 are his own businesses; and the 3rd is with the county, so he has benefits. We talked about the next phase, of dealing with the railings on my steps - I need to sand, caulk & paint next, since he got them so clean in record time. I told him, I'd much rather help guys like him make it -- than to (yet again) feel like I have to "do it myself" when I'm just not physically able to, anymore - unless I pace the job out over months. Hubs has been picking out "labor saving" devices for me, for the garden/landscaping work I do... and...... wait for it!  ;)  .... that's the extent of his help.

He has made a GIANT leap, in the "stuff" category though. We pushed through a whole closet full of "stuff" and donated 3 big boxes of puzzles, car models, and games (along with a lot of other extra stuff) last week. And we've reduced a few of the constant stacks of paper, too. Just wait until I start to reclaim some flat surfaces in the office for my "art stuff", though... we're both going to need valium!!  ;)   I tried to move a paper bag with some little bit of recycling in the bottom of it, off his slippy-slidy mountain of paper he feels he has to print out from websites (to show me, of course) and you'd a thought I'd grabbed him by the short hairs!! Jeez... I don't understand the "need" to be surrounded by clutter; I just don't. I "need" wide open spaces... don't know why either.

Speaking of which - question for you folks!! I have 16, uhuh... 16 different journals of vomiting out Twiggy's Tale of Woe. They are taking up space, which I have been thinking about using for the ever-growing collection of books. I'm scared to death, that someone will find them and start reading all the awful, whiny, self-pitying stages... and nasty angry resentful stuff... that I've let go, about as much as anyone lets things go. I'm thinking I want to let the journals go too... my usual method is bonfire. (Phoenix, remember?) Anyway, I thought I'd throw it out for a vote among the Amazons who walked through a lot of those journals, with me.

What say you?

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page