Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Physical reactions
sKePTiKal:
Tupp, I don't think we need to worry so much, about "unloading" some of our crap on others... I got my hair cut when I got back from dealing with my D and grandsons... and just let loose in the salon. It wasn't my usual guy; instead it's a lady who's worked with him since they opened... and YUP, she said: we could write a book, couldn't we??
It's sad/and a minor relief... to realize that almost everyone knows someone like this, and is usually related to them. As for being embarrassed for people who have no shame and no boundaries whatsoever... I've made some serious progress with that (because life required it of me otherwise I'd still be dancing around the issue).
Hopalong:
Hi Tupp--
When my friend and I do that mutual-support paperwork thing, she doesn't actually
touch my own piles of paper or files, or read anything. What she does is bring a stack
of stuff she needs to work on herself...and just does it here.
So we're doing our individual projects, but it's like...having a sister or something.
Less lonely and fearful, so we can encourage each other just with presence.
love
Hops
Twoapenny:
Hi everyone, thank you so much for all of your thoughts on this, I'm just all over the place at the minute and keep sitting down to write and nothing comes out the way I want it to! It's as if I've lost all the confidence I built up and everything seems to be too much to do again. I'm just gritting my teeth and getting on with it, there is an end in sight and I'm going to get to it eventually! Will write more when I can but wanted to say thank you in the meantime xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Green Bean on October 08, 2013, 11:47:24 PM ---Oh...I think I have a somewhat similar example: for a while a collection agency was calling me about an unpaid emergency room visit bill....LOL...they didn't do much except for charge me to breathe in there. And I didn't have insurance..
But now I do not want to answer the phone, it is bad...but every time I hear my phone ring I just kind of dread it.
--- End quote ---
Ah I know that feeling, Green! I don't usually answer the phone, I wait for the person to leave a message and then call them back. Other times I pick it up but don't speak. My friends know this little tactic so they'll say hi but obviously if it's someone you don't know they'll speak and then I usually just put the phone on the side and walk off. We get loads of calls that are people selling things and doing surveys etc. It's very annoying.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on October 13, 2013, 08:44:07 AM ---Hi Penny...
I got an idea reading some of the replies. I don't know if would work, but it can't hurt to try it. How about labeling those boxes of paper "the past"? And when you sit down to work through them, take a couple minutes to talk to yourself...
say: now I'm going to look at the evidence of the past - like an archeologist - and at precisely _________ (time) I will get up and take a 10 minute break, before working on it again for another hour, or until it's done.
Maybe that will help you get through it. I'm still working with hubs - and purging so many of his "collectibles" which are just emotional "stuff" linking him to his past "lives"... sigh... I really think there is this sense about papers, things, that some people invest so much of their identity in - that to give it up or let it go... actually, physically, hurts. It's some variation on "magical thinking". He can - really - only work an hour or two a day at this before he exhausts his capacity to emotionally handle it. (No, he's not overly verbal about the process... I have to watch his eyes and body language; sometimes his attention span.)
BTW: just to update my situation... my mom is ill again; repeated bouts of kidney stones and now she may be facing dialysis too. She has repeatedly said "it would be really nice if you could come up and help me go through my stuff". (note: she doesn't say - get rid of any of it; unless of course I take it with me... there's no, I'd really like you to come and spend some time with me...). Bro has had another round of dealing with clogged arteries and is comtemplating surgery this time... with no alteration of lifestyle. I am not going anywhere near that snakepit of a loony-bin. My D (A) is so far, not causing any real problems, is finishing her current round of education -- and spending time with the boys, as it's available. Boys seem to be doing well - but there's still the issue of tutoring that is contentious, because it would require effort on A's part... sigh. H & fiance M, and another couple will be here next weekend for some deserved and needed fishing & r/r...
--- End quote ---
Skep - I like that description of a snakepit of a loonybin - very apt and one I might nick if you don't mind ;)
I like the idea of being an archaeologist! I think there is some sort of mind/body disconnection going on. In my head this stuff doesn't bother me anymore. Sorting through it can only bring good things - our records will be corrected (thereby avoiding problems like this in the future), I'll have had some sort of opportunity to reply to the claims she's made (something that was denied me at the time), I'll be able to get rid of a lot of the boxes once it's finished (giving us more space at home) and my final reward for dealing with and finishing all of this will be MOVING 200 MILES AWAY FROM THIS SNAKEPIT OF A LOONYBIN (ta for that!) and never having to think about bumping into any of them again. A proper fresh start for me and my boy without all of that stuff hanging over me.
But my body seems to have other ideas. I feel like I've been run over at the minute. My head's fine - mentally I'm good, but I feel like a woman much older than I am and I think the two are connected. I've found a Gestalt therapist - anyone have experience with that? But as I understand it part of what they do is work on getting your body to release trauma. I think the theory is that you hold stuff physically and it can lead to all sorts of aches and pains and physical problems. So I'm going to keep chipping away at it all and I'm hoping that eventually all of it will settle and maybe just bugger off and leave me alone once and for all :)
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