Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Physical reactions

<< < (5/10) > >>

Hopalong:
(((Tupp)))

I can relate to that exhausted, drained-adrenals feeling.
One can only take so much strain, of any kind, without feeling it.

I just want to encourage you that in time, it does get better,
if you continue to take care of yourself.

During those times when it's all a slog, just keep putting in
the most potent foods you can afford (think of maximizing
nutrients more than of comfort) and walking a lot to keep
your body tuned...

As your psyche heals, your body will respond to that steady
care, and be ready to rebuild itself.

I am slowly getting well after those years of torment and
I do feel better. Still not 100% but a year of regular walks
and better attention lately to eating loads of greens, fruits
and whole grains--and backing off the "white food" (carbs,
dairy) has really helped. Also, a supplement called Zyflamend
is doing good.

Your body does have massive repair and rejuvenate capacities,
just comes a point when you have to give it help and time to do it.
Mostly, it's not supplements. Just the plants you eat...

love to you
Hops

Twoapenny:
Thanks, Hopsie.

I'm wondering if it's repressed anger.  There's just nowhere for the anger to go.  I don't know how to let it out safely.

I'm doing the work in little bits.  I read through some old psychiatric notes to get some reference numbers and old addresses so they can attach my amendments to the right set of files.  I felt angry that I was there in the first place, angry with them for not doing much to help me, angry when I read that I told someone I had a good relationship with my mum.  I didn't, I had no idea what she was doing to me and hadn't placed any responsibility for anything that had happened on her shoulders.  That all came later.  I feel scared that they won't believe my amendments and then angry that I feel scared about asserting myself.  I read a report about my son that made a big deal about my mental health when it was so irrelevant to what was wrong with him.  There's just so much pointing the finger and so little was actually being done to help me, or him.  Just lots of people talking about nothing and writing it all down.

And all of that flashed through my head in about ten minutes flat, I felt the anger in my belly and up through my chest - and then it just goes.  And I wonder if it just finds somewhere to sit quietly (like a good girl) and if that's what causes all the other stuff.  My head feels like it's stuck in a vice at the minute!

Anyhow.  Have got a lot done today and made an appointment with a new therapist for two weeks time.  Just an initial meeting to see if she's suitable, she seemed helpful on the phone and she's quite local to me which helps so fingers crossed.

Thank you and I'm glad to read that your health is improving - long may that continue xx

Twoapenny:
And just a little update - I went away from that last posting to do a bit work on it.  Was going through an old medical file (about ten years ago) and feeling very depressed about all the things being written about me and items being listed by my mum and sister.  Until I got to the back and found a letter written by yours truly, in which I was kicking arse and putting things right and generally standing up for myself.  I don't even remember writing it, but there it is, in black and white - me fighting for my boy, all those years ago, even when I didn't know what they were all doing to us.  So that cheered me up :)

Twoapenny:
Have done another hour today.  Physically, I genuinely feel sick, but emotionally it's making me feel quite strong.  I've a list up on the wall of what needs to be done and it's nice to see things getting crossed off.  I'm getting together a pile of stuff that can be burnt, a pile that I need to keep hard copies of and another pile of stuff that I can scan so it's there if I need it and get rid of the rest.  There are still some things that need dealing with so I'm doing bits and pieces as and when I feel up to it.  There's lots of boring admin stuff (like putting things in date order or making lists of doctors, stuff like that) that I can do if it's getting too much, so I feel like I'm doing something.  Some of the stuff I'm reading is nice, some people really had my back.  Others were busy sticking knives in it.  It's funny how much goes on that you're completely oblivious to and how this entire legal identity grows in your medical files that gives other people entirely the wrong impression of you.  Some things I will definitely correct, others aren't a big deal and I won't bother with.  I'm trying to focus on what will help in the future rather than correcting every little thing.  I still find it hard not to aim for perfect.  Writing a letter and sending it rather than drafting it four times and then adding loads more to it is alien to me, I'm having to really make myself do that.  I'll never finish it if I go for perfect every time.  But I feel like this is the final stretch.  When it's over I'm buying a fire pit for the garden and I'm going to burn this lot and all my pictures of my mum.  I burnt the ones of my stepdad a long time ago.

Hopalong:
BRAVO, Tupp.

That is just triumphant.

Bravo especially for letting perfection go.

You have accomplished a hell of a lot, and lastingly.

Hops

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page