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Twoapenny:
Hi Green,

I'm starting with a new therapist next week so I will talk to her about all of this.

I wanted to say a big thank you and extend a big cyberhug to everybody on the forum.  This board helps me so much and I've even found it comforting just to have it on while I read the papers.  It makes me feel less alone.

I've done a lot this week, which is good.  What struck me about the time I had that breakdown is that for a while my mum and sister were really nice to me and really helped out (which they hadn't done before).  Then that stopped and everything went back to normal.  It's been on my mind for years, really, but when I woke up this morning I realised they were being nice to me because they wanted something.  Once they discovered they weren't getting custody they dropped me and my boy like a stone and I was on my own again.

I realised that's a real pattern with me and I think I mentioned it in the thread about friends, that I feel like people are all over me for a while and then I'm surplus to requirement so I'm tossed aside.  I think I can see how that kept playing out over and over.

So I feel, exhausted, drained, empty and lifeless.  But I also feel like I got over a huge hurdle this week and took a really big step forward.

I'm not going to send any paperwork in to anyone now until I spoken to a solicitor.  There are so many occasions now where my rights and my son's rights have been violated by public sector workers.  I'm going to take legal advice and then decide what to do next.  But I feel like I'm on the home straight now.  I can see my little house by the sea, my lovely days with my boy and my evenings spent writing and painting.  That's where I want to be.

BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hopalong:
I sure can hold that vision for you, Tupp.

I can see it now.

Meanwhile, take breaks to insert GOOD energy and feelings
into your mind. Plan something simple, unrelated, happy.
Be sure to get out into nature every day.
And nutrition nutrition nutrition (preaching to self, here...)

Go sit at a free choir concert, wander a museum, do a silly movie?
Somewhere people laugh? Quick volunteer thing?

Whatever REcharges you. This really is draining.
You're doing a fantastic job for yourself, but...remember
to REcharge yourself intentionally. Ain't nobody else will.

love
Hops

Meh:
At least you have a vision hon.   8)  

In the same way that people use affirmations I have also heard of a little thing that a person writes about their vision and they post in on the fridge or the wall and read it every morning. It's like a detailed description of that vision.

it's something I've been meaning to work on myself, glad you mentioned it.

Twoapenny:
Thank you Bones, Hops, Green :)  Thank you so much.

I felt dreadful yesterday but I took my boy out to lunch and we stocked up on groceries, there's a storm forecast and they're warning of power cuts so I stocked up on candles and food we can cook on the camping stove!  My head felt so cluttered, in the evening I started clearing out cupboards and drawers, it always amazes me how de-cluttering the house can calm my mind so well.  I slept a bit better last night so feel better for it today, I'm just pottering around tidying my desk and doing bits and pieces.  A friend has invited us to lunch later, a real luxury, so I'm looking forward to eating a nice meal that I didn't have to cook :)

Things are going well, considering.  I ache all over and have the start of a cold but it's all manageable and I'm picking my way through it.  Thank you all so much for being so supportive.

Tup xxx

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