My Wife

[mudpuppy]

Just read about a study of people in grief and some were largely over the grief in a month some in 6, some in a year and some never.
The one thing above all I learned in going through all this is, one size fits no one and what is right for one person is disastrous for another.
For some people the best healing is someone new to love. For others they'll never love anyone else again.
Some people ball up in a cave; others go every place they can.
Like a hot stove, the person going through it usually knows what hurts to touch and what doesn't.
No criticism intended of anyone; only that except for that initial pain when you can't usually function well enough to hurt yourself anyway, grief doesn't really take your common sense away; it just hurts.
If a person becomes clinically depressed for an extended period or can't get over the magical thinking then they need an intervention. For the rest of us it's just like the rest of life; you make mistakes, you make good decisions, you just do it all a lot sadder for some indeterminate period that we seem have little control over.

mud

[sea storm]

Wise words Mudpuppy.

Blessings to you.  Good to hear from you.

Sea Storm

[sea storm]

Sometimes it seems like we are all in a big trance that is lead by science. In the olden days women would become budhist nuns and feel the grief for the rest of their lives and do a walking chant to alleviate the pain of loss. In Wuthering Heights there was that monster love that captures a person completely. Just like some people don't cheat on their spouses because they love them more each year and don't throw them away like a used car.
I find it hard to find love and it just does not happen.Other things fill my life. Other kinds of love that are very rich. I think its good for me.
I told my realtor that maybe I need to find a husband as they are so handy and he said,
Oh Jeez then your troubles have really begun.

He is pretty smart so it reinforces my belief that I need to learn to be happy by myself in this lifetime.  I didn't think I could do it but I am getting their.

[Hopalong]

So (((((((((((((Mud)))))))))))...
are husbands really handy or is that a myth?

Can one discover this with third husband?

Wanna be my third husband in a year or so?

Irreverently,

Hops

[Hopalong]

Dear Mud,
This is worth every word even though long...because of the end.
(No skipping ahead!)

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2014/02/17/140217fa_fact_angell?currentPage=all&src=longreads

Hope it comforts,
Hops

[sea storm]

I read the article and was so touched by it and excited. It really is exciting to listen to someone so honest, funny, intelligent and alive. I would marry him.  The thing about sexuality with people who are older is that they need to turn out the light. That is it. Who cares about the sagging skin. After getting used to each other, then the light can come back on. There is still fire and passion.
I would marry that guy. What bliss to talk with him and how lovely he is. He knows how to love.

I think Mudpuppy is a lot like this guy. I also think it is a great idea for Hops and Mud to meet.Preferably in a grand old hotel somewhere. If they don't have the money we could take up a collection.  And Hops is perfect.  We ALL know that. Perfectly kind and honest and open and brave. Plus she is religious and a bit churchy and I think Mud is probably that way too. Staunch, sterling, reverent and life loving.

I know this is rather bold of me but there is no one going to be flogged.

Please don't take this as advice, it is just a wonderful experiment and a flight of faith and fancy.
On second thought... take it as advice.

Lots of love,
Sea

[Hopalong]

Oh, silly Sea....very kind but I was totally joshing.
Trying (ill-advisdedly) to cheer up Bro' Mud.
I'm old enough to be his momma, likely!

But thank you for sharing the silliness.

(Sorry Mud...no offense meant. And I do hope you
read that wonderful article.)

Hops

[mudpuppy]

Any new prospect is going to be a good ten years younger than me and will have to pass a thorough and rigorous physical. I can't eliminate the chance of going through that again but I can minimize it. I am joking....well half joking anyway....well a quarter.....

I did read it and sent you a PM Hops.

mud

[sea storm]

Mudpuppy,

Goodness.  Next partner is going to be ten years younger.  Just a little heads up on that one. It is not a guarantee of good health. Better to get genetic screening or something like that. Apparently, you can learn a lot though heredity if you are astute enough.
My ex had Porphyria. Looking back it is quite clear what his symptoms meant but it was not diagnosed. He was younger than me. I doubt anyone knew about his father or grandfather who had it too.

I feel very sorry for you, Mud.  Grieving is very hard work. Very tiring, painful and time consuming.  I send you kind thoughts and hope you take time to do nice things for yourself and connect with people who care about you.
Sea

[mudpuppy]

Just a little heads up on that one. It is not a guarantee of good health.

Well, since my wife was five years younger than I am now when she was diagnosed, and the docs told us it had started as much as eight years before she was even diagnosed, my head is already elevated, which is why I said;

I can't eliminate the chance of going through that again but I can minimize it.

Just trying to reduce the odds. Can't do any more than that.

Yesterday would have been her birthday. Went up to her grave for a while. Not a good morning, but the afternoon was a little better.

mud

[sea storm]

Sorry for your loss Mudpuppy,

These anniversaries, birthdays and holidays seem to bring the loss very close.  Blessings to you.
So hard to know what to say to comfort you.

Sea