Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Uncomfortable about gifts
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 08, 2013, 03:08:12 PM ---Tupp, sounds like feeling lonely and neglected,
and that gets focused on the interpretation about gifts.
You're right and Boat is right.
I hope you can get out and bellow in some choir somewhere soon.
I woke today feeling so blue (do not love the season, it can be
agony for the lonely). A friend did call with an offer to meet and
I was about to NOT do it because of weather, but I made it out
and it was fun. Met two new people I would never have had a
great convo with if I had allowed my depressive thoughts to
win the day.
If she hadn't called though, I'm pretty sure I would not have tried
to arrange anything myself, and would've spent the day feeling
pretty pitiful.
So now it's gray and icy out, my belly's full, my pooch is waiting for
me to put down the damn laptop so she can be my laptop, which
is her Proper Place...and we'll get through.
Hope you do too, this is a hard season for those who are missing
the sustaining relationships they need. (Which you WILL find one day.)
love to you and Boat, you too you elf you (you have the spirit I
'm missing and I am going to try to follow your mood!)
Bah humho,
Hops
--- End quote ---
I'm glad you got out with your friend :) I do feel - as so many do, I think - that Christmas really emphasises the things that are there all year round but it really magnifies them for some reason. My son finds the Christmas season really overwhelming because of his sensory problems so we spend more time at home than usual, there's less to stop me thinking about it all. But I'm hoping this will be our last Christmas in this house. I live across the road from my family and it really is time to move on now and leave them all in the past where they need to be. I hope your pooch enjoyed her cuddle when she got it :)
lighter:
Sorry you're feeling invisible, Tupp....
I'm afraid I can identify in many ways.
To tell you the truth, I don't think self involved folks with no time for anything besides themselves are ever really going to become something different for us, kwim?
There are those who show up, and those who send expensive gifts instead, kwim?
We can compassionately tell them what we're feeling, and perhaps ask for something more, but.....
maybe it's up to us to find new friends, while filing the self involved ones away under SELF INVOLVED/CAN NEVER DO MORE?
That way, we're not destroying old connections, while making new/better/reciprocal/more fulfilling ones.
In any case, the discomfort you're feeling is a message that it's time to find and add new friends to your family in a mindful way, IMO.
Celebrate on the positive aspects of your current friendships, without assigning unrealistic expectations, and maybe they'll seem brighter.
Love to your and your son,
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on December 13, 2013, 12:36:51 PM ---Sorry you're feeling invisible, Tupp....
I'm afraid I can identify in many ways.
To tell you the truth, I don't think self involved folks with no time for anything besides themselves are ever really going to become something different for us, kwim?
There are those who show up, and those who send expensive gifts instead, kwim?
We can compassionately tell them what we're feeling, and perhaps ask for something more, but.....
maybe it's up to us to find new friends, while filing the self involved ones away under SELF INVOLVED/CAN NEVER DO MORE?
That way, we're not destroying old connections, while making new/better/reciprocal/more fulfilling ones.
In any case, the discomfort you're feeling is a message that it's time to find and add new friends to your family in a mindful way, IMO.
Celebrate on the positive aspects of your current friendships, without assigning unrealistic expectations, and maybe they'll seem brighter.
Love to your and your son,
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Lighter, thank you for this. I think the thing with gifts really does tie in with the friendships thing, which I've really been struggling with lately. In an ideal world I would rather have someone's time over all the money they can ever give. Time feels so important for me. So yes, focusing on finding friends who have time that they want to share with me is a really important thing now.
Meh:
Bleh, I am also not feeling super Christmas-y right now. Got all excited about the idea of looking at lights and stuff but as it turns out I am not really doing anything at all for Christmas. I want it to be a religious Holiday and since I am not really a strong believer in the whole baby jesus story it is a little hard to get excited about it full throttle.
There is always just so much freaking pressure for it to be GRAND. Super grand and then after it's over the next day always feels bleh again.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Green Bean on December 19, 2013, 11:38:55 PM ---Bleh, I am also not feeling super Christmas-y right now. Got all excited about the idea of looking at lights and stuff but as it turns out I am not really doing anything at all for Christmas. I want it to be a religious Holiday and since I am not really a strong believer in the whole baby jesus story it is a little hard to get excited about it full throttle.
There is always just so much freaking pressure for it to be GRAND. Super grand and then after it's over the next day always feels bleh again.
--- End quote ---
Yep I agree with that, Green, huge pressure for something - what? We're having a quiet day at home, I've got him some nice pressies :) Next week we're going to go to the cinema and swimming most days, there's just lots of films on that he wants to see at the minute. That will be the best bit for us, I think! It's quite hard to go against the tide and not get into the whole 'it's got to be bigger, better, grander' thing. But quiet and simple does me :)
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