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Uncomfortable about gifts

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Hopalong:
Hi Tupp,
Just to bounce over from the New T thread...I think this is perhaps the same issue.

In fear, looking a little microscopically for what's WRONG.
When maybe, almost any gift, happily received...is just fine?

I think children of Ns learn that any transaction, including receiving gifts, must
surely involve a Trojan horse.

SO hard (and long) to eventually realize it's peacetime now.

I relate a lot to this, btw, having majored in anxiety for decades that's now almost
entirely gone. I just have been sensing a bit more anxiety and agitation in your most recent
posts. So that makes themes pop out to me. Doesn't mean I identify them clearly though, but
just in case any of these observations help...

xxoo
Hops

Meh:
Two Penny, at the expense of seeming unsupportive of you.... my very opinionated opinion is to take the gifts. People often want to make the other person happy by giving it. It's flattering.

Your son isn't going to care who provided the gift. The Christmas tree picking out is so much fun on it's own. And the decorating of it etc.

For kids sometimes the wanting of something can be more passionate then the receiving of it too.

Anywho, my two cents is that it's okay to give away food you can't use. Or toss it out if you don't like it.

For your son I'm sure with a handful of presents and the tree etc. It will be fun. It's especially fun when one gets to camp out in living room and sleep under the Christmas tree !

Sleeping under the Christmas tree is like my favorite memory mainly because I didn't have to sleep in my bed....it was subversive LOL

Try to chill-lax a little about Christmas. It's more the experience than the gift itself which is important. Do something fun!!!!!! :)    

Go out look at Christmas displays! Get a ginger bread kit! You can just use graham crackers too and make little houses.

Make hot cider or hot chocolate and watch movies at home etc.     It will be good whatever happens.


You can also tell the person who is sending the late present that somebody else got the same exact present!!! And you had no idea that was going to happen and your son already used it so you can't return in therefore.... you may have to return the duplicate gift for something else etc. Maybe you can just exchange it, maybe they will send a receipt.



At work I have to set up large quotes for people sometimes I have a hard time asking people for the full price though I think I am getting better.

Money and things are hard to waste if you have ever gone without. It's just not worth it to say stuff to people because it hurts their feelings etc, it can take the joy out of giving. Better to just tell them how overwhelmingly excited your son was and he even wanted to keep the duplicate one or something like that. I don't know what the present is exactly.

Kids also feel important when people outside of their immediate family recognize them. (In my opinion again :P  )

Okay that is my response.

Merry Christmas *****O*****O*****O*****O*****O*****

Twoapenny:
Thank you everyone, yes, I see where you're coming from on this.  I think I am feeling very invisible at the moment?  Maybe that is what is triggering all this stuff off?

The large amounts of cash come from two friends who don't spend much time with us (they're too busy).  I think that triggers quite a lot.

The gifts for my son - it's not that I'm bothered about other people getting him stuff, it's more that I suppose I feel if they were people who we talked to regularly they'd know I'd already planned (getting something with the tree, for example).  The reason that friend didn't know is because she doesn't have time to talk on the phone very often.  I think it's those bigger issues underneath it all rather than the actual presents themselves, if that makes sense.  I feel like no-one sees me, no-one hears me, no-one notices and no-one cares.  I'm feeling pretty wretched at the moment and I'm not really sure why.

It's no biggie - I get up and do what we need to do.  I focus on my boy and my health and everything else eventually falls into place.  I just find it useful to get it out of my head and onto the screen.

Meh:
(hugs)

Hopalong:
Tupp, sounds like feeling lonely and neglected,
and that gets focused on the interpretation about gifts.

You're right and Boat is right.

I hope you can get out and bellow in some choir somewhere soon.

I woke today feeling so blue (do not love the season, it can be
agony for the lonely). A friend did call with an offer to meet and
I was about to NOT do it because of weather, but I made it out
and it was fun. Met two new people I would never have had a
great convo with if I had allowed my depressive thoughts to
win the day.

If she hadn't called though, I'm pretty sure I would not have tried
to arrange anything myself, and would've spent the day feeling
pretty pitiful.

So now it's gray and icy out, my belly's full, my pooch is waiting for
me to put down the damn laptop so she can be my laptop, which
is her Proper Place...and we'll get through.

Hope you do too, this is a hard season for those who are missing
the sustaining relationships they need. (Which you WILL find one day.)

love to you and Boat, you too you elf you (you have the spirit I
'm missing and I am going to try to follow your mood!)

Bah humho,
Hops

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