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What happens after NC?

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gratitude28:
Actually, TT, that is a very helpful response and along the lines of what I am thinking. My mother can, and very possibly might, pull a stunt to try to make others dislike me. I have decided I am ok with that. I do believe that my sister and I have solidified our relationship to the point it won't break - and that is the only relationship I am passionate about keeping. It took us so long to get where we are.
There was a time, as the GC, that my sister displayed N traits, but thankfully she overcame those tendencies. I am so proud of how much she has been able to see. I think our dad helped us to overcome NM. He put his foot down in ridiculous situations. It kills me that he allowed himself to suffer under NM for so long. I pray he is at peace now. I miss him so much.
NM has commented on some posts on Facebook, but has not tried to contact me. I am starting to relax, which means the attack will come soon lol. Seriously, I think I can handle anything now - my husband knows and accepts the situation and was the one to suggest NC.
Thanks so much for your help!
Beth

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: teartracks on December 02, 2013, 08:36:08 PM ---





--- Quote ---There was a time, as the GC, that my sister displayed N traits, but thankfully she overcame those tendencies.
--- End quote ---

Just a comment on what I've learned about GC. 

Male children in our extended family were favored.  My brother was the GC.  It took me a while hanging out here to realize that golden children have 0 to do with becoming the golden child.  Once they are designated, they may play into it, but they don't initiate it IMO. The same screwy parent who scapegoats one may put a halo on another.  I think my brother's character is commendable.  I like him and I love him.  I don't know how he escaped being seriously affected by the favoritism shown him but I'm glad it turned out that way.

I'm glad you and your sister have each other to talk to.  What a blessing...

tt



   

--- End quote ---

I was the Golden Child in our family, although of course I had no idea that's what it was called.  Growing up, I was the good one and my sister the naughty one.  We were both criticised heavily, judged, etc and subjected to lengthy silences if we didn't please mum.  I learnt, very quickly, that if you were constantly happy, let nothing get you down and developed a sycophantic personality that existed simply to keep mum happy and ignored yourself 100% then life was much more bearable.  My sister didn't learn this.

I started suffering from depression in my twenties and through counselling started to see the truth about how our upbringing had been, how unhappy I was and how I'd never developed a personality of my own.  As I got stronger and started to stand up to my mum the tables turned; her attacks on me were vicious and sustained and suddenly my sister, who she'd always hated, could do no wrong and was the apple of her eye.  Unsuprisingly, my sister then had to make the same sacrifices I did and lost her self and her kids in the process (I don't mean literally, but there is no room for difference if you want to avoid mum's wrath!).  So I'm in the odd position of having experienced both and just thought I'd post in case that helped in anyway.  It's a crazy way to grow up.  I'm glad you get along with your brother TT and I'm glad your sis overcame her N traits, G.  I worried I had those myself and still catch myself sometimes and think "is that normal or am I being like my mum". 

What a crazy, crazy world :)

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