Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Work woes

(1/8) > >>

Hopalong:
Things have been generally better with the Production-Manager-Who-Hates-Me in the last year. Nboss, once the hostility toward me began to affect him too,
even sent PMan to therapy for a while. He backed off. Nboss kept telling me he was "fixed now" but I knew that level of hatred was hardwired, and about
his mother, and women in general, not about me. (He has been aggressive and critical and sabotaging of me from the moment we met 7 years ago, without
even knowing me. I think he has deep, primal, old rage (mother stuff)...AND, I came in to work closely with Nboss (my job) while PMan had been the golden boy.

Fast-forward. Nboss was away recently for an unusually long time. PMan began to rumble. By the time Nboss returned, there'd been a series of email attacks
on me (CC'd to the entire senior staff). PMan referred to me over the course of a few hours--to others--passive-aggressive, intimidating, adolescent, unprofessional,
false claims, bad communication, etc.) He tried to rally everyone, demanded a public meeting where we'd "deal with Hops' communication problem." His emails
are full of digs and slams and character attacks, and any factual question gets twisted and interpreted by him in a really creepy, destructive way. Nboss has
told him before that these attacks on me are destructive, but there's never any real consequence. (Nboss is completely dependent on him for production,
so he never sets consequences. For me, Nboss views me as...female, and so never has valued my skills similarly, though truthfully, he is just as
dependent on my work for the company to succeed. My new colleagues, thank god, respect and support me. All the backbiting hasn't been contagious to them.)

Nboss heard me out and refused to allow it to be on senior team meeting agenda. But tomorrow I have to meet alone with Nboss and PMan, while Nboss
basically tells us "I want you to have mutual trust and respect." (He reads a management guru who has this theme.) I will be okay but haven't been
sleeping and my muscles are very tense. Reminds me of that "beating under the stairs" feeling I had thru childhood due to my brother's abuse. And this
IS abuse, even if only verbal.

Anyway, it's the same old toxic cycle. My challenge to myself is to find deep inner calm for the meeting, conduct myself with dignity and fairness regardless of
PMan provocation or Nboss's guru theater or condescension. But it's hard. How do I pretend to trust and respect someone who has been so frighteningly
hateful to me for seven years?

Just thought I'd post this to request some little tsunamis at 11amEST. Silly agnostic me, I do value that a lot.

love and thanks for listening,
Hops

Meh:
Hi Hops,

If only work could be neutral and void of personal "stuff"

Ughhhh... oh no that sounds like hell. The only some what positive side about the public emails is that at least it's not secretive and subversive sabotage.

OMG that would stress me out.

Hopalong:
That's true, Boat. (You DO know you're busted, right? Green Bean?)  :lol:

It's not subtle and it's very public because I think he's unaware of how transparent he is  -- it's more like being dragged into a boxing ring. The good thing is that as years have gone by, others have picked up on how warped this stuff is. I'm actually sorry for him when I'm not under direct attack. And, Nboss doesn't indulge/enable him quite as much as he used to, though he's never shown leadership in really stopping it for good (like, with consequences). Nboss told me yesterday that he "can't stop it."

One almost-fascinating thing about it has been that I have never seen so open and obvious a case of projection. This guy is seething away in a warehouse writing long, rambling emails full of accusations that appear to me anyway (and to at least 2 colleagues) to be full of charges that describe HIM. (Adolescent, unprofessional, drama, etc...). He sets the entire leadership including his boss and me into a tizzy, emergency meetings are called, my work is yanked off course, I lose focus, it upsets everything and aftereffects last for weeks.

I hope this round is settled quickly. Haven't slept well and my muscles have been so taut they spasm. But I'll get through it.

Thanks for reading, Boat,
xo
Hops

Twoapenny:
Sending oceans of soothing light your way, Hopsie, and 'Back off, Sunbeam' vibes to that little man.  Hope they get to you before your meeting (not sure of the time difference) but if not please know that there are a number of people on this board who are always in my thoughts and you are one of them xx

Meh:
Yah, of course I read. Situation sucks :(      Tell us how it all goes

I've been taking half of a generic allergy pill to help me sleep. Diphenhydramine or something like that. They put it in sleep aids. Going to take one right now.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page