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Got stuck in full throttle ahead

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sea storm:
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.  Very helpful that's for sure. Really I am very lucky to live here. It is a small mill town that is starting to lose the mill. The main street has the nick name " Boulevard of Broken Dreams".  This makes real estate a lot less than other places.  My house cost 154.000.  That is a low price in Canada. Probably in the US it is a lot cheaper.

My partner took my mom's money just to get that straight. She worked so hard for it and it makes me ill to think about that. It is liberating to make a new beginning although it is scary too.

Yes, Hops, every bit of new ground is cause for celebration.I just got the loan approved and that was very intimidating to me. Thanks also for the stress scale. Hard to believe sexual difficulties are more stressful than getting a mortgage. Seems funny to me now but it was not funny to  live with a man who was impotent and blaming it on me. Now I think," Well, off you go then buckaroo and find someone who will change all that for you". Maybe he needed a prison felon who would beat him with whips and throw raspberry jello by the truckload on him.  I am actually able to laugh now.

I will no longer have a tenant and that is nice. I have had such a list of psycho tenants. One guy got of tomahawk haircut the day after he moved in and started dealing drugs so there were people coming and going all the time. Won't it be nice to have a place without a tenant. Also it will be nice to walk to local places.

You can visit me any time Hops. That would be lovely. In my little old house that is kind of art deco there are two bedrooms up two down. Lots of room. I will be retiring then too. I still have my Japanese antique business though.

It really helps to write this down and have someone care. Thank you.

Lots of love,
Sea storm

sea storm:
I'm feeling a bit lost. Just want to stay in bed today and read all day. I am saying goodbye to this house and all that it meant. I think it is inevitable but kind of stupid as well. Its just a house and I shouldn't care about a house that much. I am probably tired as the selling of it entailed a lot of work. I even have backed off from my store for awhile.I got a bit workaholic there for a while and isolated myself. Now just isolating but went out for Chinese food and really laughed a lot with a friend. She tried to be an apartment manager for a month. She couldnt eat, sleep, poop, laugh or see friends for coffer ever.  She worked from the minute she got up at five am until about 8 pm but that was not enough. People put pizza boxes down the garbage shute to jam it up. They do this about twice a week and someone robbed the money out of the washing machine  and it was flooding. There were forty two suites. I admired her because she didn't give up. Then she started to take Senyquol (spelling?) during the day to keep calm. People knocked on her door very frequently. It was so hard for her to say she had enough and finally she did. We celebrated with Chinese food. We came at four pm and the lady took four dollars off each of our smorgasbord orders because it was toward the end.  That doesn't happen most places but in a small town it does.

The point I am making is that no one could have known what it was like being an apartment manager in a place that is funded by mental health with 42 suites. It was like that song Bob Dylan sings about everything being broken. Its just broken.  People cheered her on and said she could do it and it was such a good job and paid well. Her bosses were from a large conglomerate that owned dozens of buildings in lots of cities. No one could have guided her through the experience. It was really big. She moved out of her little house in the woods to do it. Took a big risk.  These big risks are wearing me out right now.

The good part is that I know where I am going and if I just go step by step I can get there to a manageable life. I don't feel strong enough though. Its like it going to fast for me to keep up.

Sea

lighter:
SS:

Glad you got out and laughed.

It helps.

Please remember....

You have two huge pieces in place....

selling your house, and purchasing a new home.

Yes it will be hard work to make that transition, but at least you aren't worried about that too.

Chin up, SS.

This too shall pass.

lighter

sea storm:
Thank you Lighter,

Your words of encouragement really help. Hard to know when one is in it up to the eyeballs.
Signed papers for the loan and took the subjects off the real estate deal. Wow. I wasn't sure I could get a loan so that is a relief. I really balk at paperwork. It is a part of my brain that does not work very well. Now I know there is not much point in everyone being the same so i am grateful for my gifts.

I also had a private showing of my Japanese antiques and brought out Antique kimonos, vase, plates and scrolls. A lot of work and first time I have done that. I got an accountant to do four years of taxes and she said that she looked at my site on the internet and liked some things and thought she might like to get something for her brothers wedding present. So I hired a housekeeper and put the stuff out. She came over and it was lovely and fun. If I was rich it would be nice to have a salon like this and spend time making the beautiful old things come to life with their stories. This was not the most practical thing in the world to do but I have decided that life is not about the money all the time. I was surprised that the lady picked out a very subtle, zen scroll by a painter who was a national treasure.  Don't know if she will buy it but the whole thing was very interested and she is my first live customer. Living people are better thank internet.

This is so rambling.  I need to bump up my business and sell stuff on a better site. My computer skills are holding me back and so is my confidence.  Selling fine art on this site is like trying to sell it at the mall.  Not the right group. 

This keeps me going and keeps me interested in getting out of bed.  So different from what I used to do.  I think art is like the spark of life. It amazes me that there are people who spend their time devoted to creating it.  Thank God everyone is not completely motivated by money.

Sea

lighter:
SS:

Sounds like you had yourself quite a project there, and energy for taking your business to the next step is on the way.

Taxes behind you.  Loan papework behind you.  Sale behind you.  Organizing your fine art inventory....

check.

Now what?

It'll be interesting to see what you do next.

hhaw

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