Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Feeling like a wreckage of a human being

<< < (2/2)

Meh:
:)  Yah Mud is right... after some time you will probably start to feel like you can dream again and there are not limits on the dreams you are allowed to have.


.... Other side comment:  Anticipating things sometimes is often a grander more fulfilling feeling than actually obtaining the goal.... 

sea storm:
Thank you so much for your replies. Very helpful and consolling.

I find myself slowly beginning to like the new house. For one thing it has one of those barrels connected to the eaves trough and it holds about 40 gallons of rainwater to water the garden. Also, I won't have to have a renter. Boy, am I tired of that. Although it provides endless entertaining anecdotes it is not that great. Also, there are established fruit trees. Three semi dwarf. Old dreams die hard for me I guess. Traditionally, I have been ten years between mates. Feelings are a real pain in the butt. I have not learned enough fast enough to get this life right.  Maybe I am chronically depressed.  I also write poetry and they kind of go together.

I always take your advice to heart Mudpuppy.  I don't know why exactly but you seem like a supreme court judge or maybe a pyschologist.  It IS good to have something to look forward to. If you are healthy enough to do that, even on a day to day basis. I must smarten up and start doing that. Seriously, it is important to do something nice every day.

Garbanzo, you are so right about the big dream. It is hardwired and needs to change.

Hops, i move on June 12 but I got a bridge mortgage that starts on June 2 so I can slowly move into the new place and bring my plants with me. I used to just throw everything in cardboard boxes and that was that. Not so much like that anymore.

Lighter: one day at a time for sure and it will pass. I am so grateful to feel calm and content sometimes. I didn't feel content for YEARs after my Narcissist Opera Tragedy. I know I am not doing to well when I think I see his truck driving down the road or parked at the grocery store. Then one of those waves hits and I have to make my way out of it.  I am sorry for all who have this difficulty. It is no picnic.

I am hatching a new dream............ My Japanese antiques are very comforting. Selling them is exciting but just having them around is lovely. If someone asked me what my safe place was I would imagine a room with wonderful old things. My new dream is to be more kind. In the Buddhist sense. Also to read my work at this thing called
Words on Fire..... this is where people get up and read their stories or poems. I think I will combine it with painting like the Japanese do.

So I am not a wreckage anymore. More like having one of those tires that often needs air.

Thanks again.

Sea storm

Meh:
:)

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page