Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Ales2:
Called NM yesterday, which I rarely do and I am fairly certain that the eye laser surgery is FAKE. I asked how it went and she stumbled to say it went OK.... then I asked who drove her there and back and she stumbled again. Can't say "brother" because she knows I might check. So, she drove herself. Highly unlikely. Asked about the post procedure and she could not give any details. I forgot to ask about the Doctor and the facility - those are usually the little details that I can check that she will claim she forgot because of her "short memory". BS. All of it.
But stayed on the phone talking about the dumb cats, the stock market and capital gains tax. She's a LOON.
Gaining Strength:
Oh Ales. I know that passive-aggressive, lying, manipulation stuff. It is so painful. I am sorry to read that you are NC or LC with your family. Not that it isn't smart and courageous of you but just that I so wish we had all come from loving, caring, nurturing families. We all needed that and we deserved it. I am glad we have each other here. Others simply don't or won't make the effort to hear and/or believe.
I'm also glad that you are able to see what she is up to and not be sucked in. But it is always painful deep down, especially during the holidays when we can't help but be reminded that we are alone in an unfortunate way.
Gaining Strength:
I discovered this today and really find it speaks to me. My therapists has spoken to me for years of Seligman's "learned helplessness." This person correlates it with the freeze response.
http://www.centerforhealingandimagery.com/articles/the-freeze-response/
Ales2:
Thanks for this article GS. It explains what I went through as a child that I did not understand. I was actively discouraged and punished for being assertive, which is where the passivity comes from. I have had trouble with it until now. I have since swung to the other side of the pendulum now and have become very vocal, sometimes rude and hostile and I offer no apologies for anyone who tries to silence me in a non-verbal way.
Thanks for your post.
Ales2:
Learned helplessness is also the disempowered self where we function far below our actual capacity as a result of oppression or verbal/emotional abuse.
And, thanks GS for your comments about LC and NC. Today I was thinking, NO BIG DEAL, its for the best and it is their loss, not mine.
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