Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
Focusing on the stuff that is presenting itself to me - anger, hurt & self hatred. The earliest pain of rejection is very powerful. Time will ell if allowing this to emerge and acknowledging it whole using EMDR will bring relief. Time will tell.
Ales2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ytq51GMsd8w
Great video from Ross Rosenberg with instructions on setting boundaries and other things. Some of us here are not co-dependents, but information still practical and relevant for all.
Gaining Strength:
I had an extraordinary dream last night. It wasn't the scene or the action but the feeling. I was in my therapist's office and my loving mother figure was there. I felt loved and healed. I didn't want to move - not in the dream and not in my sleep and not now as though to move would break the spell. But in that feeling I could get all the back log done and it was great.
Gaining Strength:
http://psychotherapist-nyc.blogspot.com/2009/07/shame-disengaged-families.html?m=1
I have never heard this phrase "disengaged family". But this helps enormously, explaining why I fell into such profound shame. It feels as though this author has embraced me and held me in her arms the way most mothers do. It also affirms to me (indirectly) why I was so angered when she would sit oblivious to why I was hurt, frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed, lonely, etc. Now I understand it triggered the earliest infantile wounding and shaming.
Gaining Strength:
Found another brief page about shame being difficult to treat with EMDR on a page by a guy who trains therapists to deal with shame.
The pieces are fitting together.
I hate using the EMDR for shame feelings because it stirs them up and intensifies them before they ease but I know it is a way out so I commit to doing it.
I
Also think I will try to use it proactively with issues that I know are shamed - those which I shut down on. My memories are increasing about how shutting down and avoidance often saved me from my fathers wrath at least temporarily. These memories help me understand how the pattern got started. Now I must muster the courage to face it and endure through the desensitization process. Yuck.
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