Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Still need to work through early trauma

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Gaining Strength:
Hops, thanks for your kind words. I am very hopeful and determined as always. I am also thankful to be able to name a part of the blockage and to have found a way to stand in the presence of the suppressed pain and transform it into something unable to do further damage.

Gaining Strength:
Good day. Getting stronger in my work walking right on through the barriers of shame and fear, as though the solid concrete has become a permeable gel.  Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Gaining Strength:
This is a war that has to be won one battle at a time. I am in for the long haul.  In addition to the lifetime habituation of a shamed mind I must overcome the extraordinary exhaustion of the battle. The constant strain on my adrenals has taken a toll but it will only get better.

Until now, the battle was sysiphian. Any progress was wiped away because the contro
Lying aparatus of shame was  ever powerful.  Now that that very behemoth is being addressed there is the remnant of the fear and expectation that what ever progress has been made will be wiped out. But I will continue to remind myself that even that will be overcome.

Gaining Strength:
Hello everyone.

Each day is something new. I am both stronger and very exhausted.  I have so much in front of me. Just thinking about it is exhausting. But I also am getting stronger about facing all that is in front of me.

I drove over 6 hours today to take my child to a woman who is developing a fascinating technology which identifies and treats imbalances. This was our second trip. It was fascinating. I can't wait to see what comes of it.

This week I got bags and bags of trash bagged up.bags of clothes and some furniture picked up and a plumber coming in the morning. I'm not yet prepared for the plumber but I am tired.  We'll see what gets done. This morning I was very, tired and had a hard time getting up but we got there right on time.

As I break through these layers and layers of shame I expect to give a break to my adrenals and that may  help reduce the fatigue.

Gaining Strength:
Rough morning. I had  memories of a recent experience in which I was trying to straighten out a mess with my drivers license.  It was very convoluted and took enormous amount of work before I went to court. Very generously my therapist went to court with me and was thinking it would be easy as he knew the small municipality judge. It didn't go we'll. the prosecutor was such a jerk. He screamed and yelled at me, called me names. Was belittling and demeaning.   This is what my father used to do. This is exactly what makes it difficult for me to deal with the messes I have to clean up. I'm facing one today. I haven't been able to do as much to prepare as I would like and I would really like to cancel the appointment.

I have been using my images to healing with recognizing and overcoming the shaming. It helps.  It brings forward these images like the one I have described. I have so far to go.

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