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Still need to work through early trauma

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Gaining Strength:
No words an express my appreciation to your encouragement s.  This is a lonely battle  and if anyone is to ne'er stand it is only from others who have struggled with the festering wounds of being a child with  N parents.

Gaining Strength:
As I dip my toe into Kabat-zinn's mindfulness I become increasingly aware of my harsh judgement. Only time and increased practice will tell.

Gaining Strength:
Seeing how envisioning any goal has generated tension and resistance in reaction to deep unconscious identification with "you don't deserve." Beginning to see that something can be both in awareness and still in unconsciousness especially if it is broad or generalized like "You don't deserve."

Mindfulness may allow me to stay with mindfulness becoming aware of how self judgment and hatred cripple me. Being aware and not resisting.

Hopalong:
Hi ((((((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))))),

I was wondering something. A while back I wrote to someone here (Lupita!)
about what I'd learned years ago interviewing a mindfulness/spirituality researcher
about affirmations.

What he explained was that the subconscious is neutral, yet incredibly powerful.
It absorbs all the data/information/wording that comes at it, and knits it into us.

So...it's important to create/wear grooves of new thoughts about oneself that are
POSITIVELY expressed. Because if the wording we use in our thoughts is negative
or harsh (even if we said, for example, "I no longer want to be negative or harsh")
the subconscious , since it's nonrational, will take in: NO and NEGATIVE and HARSH.

So instead, to wear these new connections/thoughts into our beings, he said, we instead
need to create thought patters more like (just for example): I am GRATEFUL and ALIVE
and FULL of POSSIBILITY.

(Or whatever would be an effective "positive opposite" to a negative rumination.)

Do you think any of this would be helpful to you? I was just thinking about how
powerfully scalding the language you use to describe yourself/your pain is, and
wondering if flipping it would be useful. Or if the language, while it describes
the pain so perfectly...might possibly be subconsciously reinforcing or reproducing
it?

It's just a thought and may not be useful at all, in which case, please pitch it!

I am listening.

love to you,
Hops

Meh:
oh shoot, my internet explorer froze and then my text is gone.  well I am tired.  only thing I was going to say is that suppression appears to be a common thing around here, I was just writing about keeping things bottled up.  makes me wonder if doing the suppression thing, isn't just an episodic thing we do but if it  "feels like our norm" like I wonder if suppression just becomes our status quo  if that makes any sense at all

any whos, I am going to sleep.  good luck, the only one guarantee that I think I can safely say is somehow in exploring what is inside of us we do get some wisdom out of it maybe

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