Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Hopalong:
I love that.
One square foot.
Or ten.
There will be beauty in that clean calm spot.
Then tomorrow you'll create another.
Hops
Hopalong:
Do you feel shamed by the act of housecleaning?
Hops
river:
Hi GS/ everyone,
I feel late arriving here, have read a lot of what's written but couldnt read all.
I was struck, GS, by how I had expereinced everything you described to the last detail. - the paralysis, the feeling of impossibility around losing a bit of paper, that small thing + I'd feel deluged and sunk in a 'hopeless-cut-out-to-be-a-victim' trigger. I'd also be flooded by a physical response in my body.
And you said:
--- Quote --- because each one sounds trivial in description but the cumulative effect was devastating.
--- End quote ---
....... I understand this, but isnt that part of being voiceless, its those small things which carrry the implicit meaning, which can go beneath the radar of others, but impact us because we know the meaning of these 'small' things, and their impact lands right inside in those tender parts. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships, and the related disorders causing them has helped me some around these.
I'm interested in possible ways/ paths to recovery, .......... ? I never found what I deeply needed, altho I'm bettter, I dont feel my problem was resolved at the depth I longed for. I still seek, peer group possibilities interest me.
river
river:
....... I just wanted to add: I do have my own understanding of how all this comes about, that its by the projections of others, how that historical trajectory is created, and plays itself out thro us. What has been amazing to me is the sheer power of those projections, the hold they can have within us. And then, IME, its not just those orignal ones, many in society, of course are opperating at some level on the same disordered framework internally as was at play in the original, so we meet it all over again, and get tested. 'Same play, different actors' as the saying goes.
So, my task has been, and I'm still only learning and trying to find ways to act outside of that dynamic.
Dont know if any of this makes sense? This is so central for me, maybe I should do another post. (but thern theres all those bits of paper waiting for my attention!)
river
Gaining Strength:
Very touching river.
I came to write about the profound level of rejection I am working through. It is shaming and it comes through shame. And then I read your post and felt so connected.
" many in society are operating on the same disordered framework internally..."
Yes. I could say so much in response - but I am strick but the poetry of your succinctness and am going to leave it there.
Peer group possibilities interest me too.
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