Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
There are layers and layers of the shame that have accumulated over my lifetime. Bits and pieces are attached to things sort of like barnacles. The full weight of rejection and it's shame has descended onme now and is awaiting resolution, healing. I have not yet dug deep enough to get to "not good enough" , " you don't deserve", " you get what you deserve." Even writing those phrases generates the physical sensation of shame, descending on my shoulders.
I was compelled for decades to move through life longing for a savour. Even in more recent years as I recognized this was from being stuck in a level or arrested development, I could not shake it. Some part of the enormity of the mess of me home, I suspect , was a cry for help,intervention, from outside. It was not permitted to ask for help. Only nw can I see that both my mother and my father did everything they could to avoid providing help. It drew on deficiencies within their own beings. So they shamed rather than helped
, even though they both had abundant resources to draw on to provide help. Early on, I was made resource less and I adapted to that stae, waiting helplessly for he
Lp and resources tobe bestowed on me. That is the psychological prison I enshrouded myself in and to which I have the key and yet I have not yet been able to use. I must first get out from underneath the shroud of shame because it hAs both psychological and physical components of paaralysis.
Step by step.day by day.
Do not abandon me.
Hopalong:
I searched "how to unlearn helplessness" and among many results, found this article. I liked what she said about thinking.
http://www.three-principles.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Unlearning-Helplessness.pdf
And if I could give you a present, GS...it would be this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Helplessness-Depression-Development-Series-Psychology/dp/071672328X#
love,
Hops
Izzy_*now*:
GS
I just had a sudden thought today looking at a book on the table. I had just read it and have yet to put it back on the shelf. I had read it before and knew I would like it again.
The thought was that I hadn’t had anyone interested in my interests…...books, movies, soap operas, music, website building, cooking, yada yada…..nothing for sharing and opinions. This made me take on the feeling that “everything I did was weird….or wrong".
Who brought this about? I did? Because I was already being ignored,? Or…
Now,
-because we are getting to know one another, Ellen brought me two books to share; Karla and I watch the Y&R together twice a week, and I keep her apprised about the shows she misses. If I miss the same I check the internet an apprise her.
So regardless of current events, jobs, etc. I have them to help make topics to discuss instead of just my health or theirs.
Thinking back, siblings and I could have shared an interest but we never talked about it, so?…. Good or bad we never shared anything! I find, in that, something important was missing!
Izzy
river:
--- Quote --- did everything they could to avoid providing help. It drew on deficiencies within their own beings. So they shamed rather than helped
, even though they both had abundant resources to draw on to provide help. Early on, I was made resource less and I adapted to that stae, waiting helplessly for he
Lp and resources tobe bestowed on me. That is the psychological prison I enshrouded myself in and to which I have the key and yet I have not yet been able to use. I must first get out from underneath the shroud of shame because it hAs both psychological and physical components of paaralysis.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote --- That is the psychological prison I enshrouded myself in and to which I have the key and yet I have not yet been able to use. I must first get out from underneath the shroud of shame because it hAs both psychological and physical components of paaralysis.
--- End quote ---
......... this last one - what happens if that were rephrased into - '..... in that dynamic I was enshrouded by them, their witholding from me imprisoned my desire and created longing, and to which I have yet to find the key to free my will from the grip of their will for me,.....
Gaining Strength:
Thanks for the article and book link Hops. Sellingman, of course, coined the phrase "learned helplessness." I bet his books are great. I am less impressed with Sedgeman's article. Her brief description of her childhood suggests she has no idea what it is to have parents sabotage and undermine a child. That's what learned helplessness derives from - a parent or authority figure's need for control and rendering a child or subordinate powerless to the point of helplessness.
I did see a great article on Huff Post about a fabulous sounding book entitled Supersurviver. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/08/what-is-a-supersurvivor_n_5549072.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063. I love this. It fits in nicely with Peter Levine's work and The Tools which I have great regard for. Levine, The tool guys and the authors of this book all understand that it is very difficult to overcome trauma. Their work acknowledges the difficulty but gives hope. In my experience it is very rare for people to be able to acknowledge a person's great pain and wounding. So many trivialize it with ideas and comments that all are a version of "get over it." If only it were that easy.
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