Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Daughter in law

(1/10) > >>

Lupita:
I am having problems with my daughter in law.  Does anybody here have a daughter in law that is control freak and obsessive about what others do? She is emasculating and castrating my son. Can somebody help me?

Twoapenny:
I don't think there's an awful lot you can do if the situation involves adults.  As hard as it is, involving yourself might push your son away.  People tend to need to see the problem for themselves before they can do anything about it.  Not an easy situation to be in, it's very hard to watch someone you love be in a situation that isn't good for them.

BonesMS:
From my perspective, if your son has not asked for help, then you need to leave the situation alone.  If he has asked for help, then the best advice to give him is for him to talk to a professional marriage counselor, alone, if necessary to figure things out.  It is NOT Mommy's place or responsibility to fix his marriage.  If he's old enough to get married, then he is an adult who needs to figure out how to deal with life's problems.  A piece of advice I had to give someone, after she tried to recruit me to interfere with her child's marriage, was this:

"Your nose ends where their marriage begins."

If you attempt to force your child to choose between you or their spouse, you're going to lose.  It's hard to keeps hands off but you have to do it and let your adult children resolve their own dilemmas.  If you attempt to "fix" your son's problem for him, you could easily find yourself being cut off by him.

Just my two cents.

Gaining Strength:
Maybe, just maybe it might be of value to voice your concerns in the form of sympathy to your son. To say something to him about noticing that when your DIL does so and so it seems emasculating.  Or say that it is painful for you to see your DIL do this thing or that thing.  Avoid saying negative things about your DIL and only talk about her actions.

lighter:
Lupita:

I always find that saying something nice or positive about the control freak/personality disturbed person can make the emasculated/bothered person feel safe enough with you to voice their concerns or complain.

At that point you're more likely to be able to discuss solutions, if that discussion is going to take place at all, IME.

Hugs to you, Lupita. 

Lighter

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page