Lupe:
You may not see the harmful people in if your life punished, but this life is hard. They suffer, just like everyone else, and if that comforts you at all, grab it and file it for future reference. Every time I have the urge to feel like the harmful people in my life are getting away with it, I just remember how hard life is, and trust that God reaches out and touches us all for unkind thoughts and deeds. I BELIEVE that, and I don't wish harm on anyone, or pray for negative things to happen, bc it only backfires, and harms me, IME. have to trust God, and fate, and try to have the best darned life I can have, which is impacted negatively when I waste time on the negative rabbit holes.
Life is here, right now, in our own heads, where our feet are. It's looking into the eyes of a child, and making them feel seen, and heard, safe and loved while embracing the change in weather, and what we find under rocks. THAT's a good life, and that's what it's about.
About act of interpersonal violence....... it's real. As real as a punch in the gut, or a choke hold, and I can say I prefer the gut punch, bc I've experienced all those things. The ongoing interpersonal terrorism in my life is more harmful than a punch to the gut, esp as it effects everyone in my orbit.
You have a right to feel harmed when your DIL attempts to block you from seeing your gs, esp since you've been in his life on a regular basis since his birth. It's evil to deny you that, just to harm you. It's truly evil, but your DIL can't do any better. It's sad, and painful, and wrong, but your DIL can't do any better. She's broken, and it's better to wonder what happened to her that made her feel she needs to behave that way, then be glad you aren't having that kind of life right now, and turn back to what you want to model for your gs.
Model forgiveness, and compassion.
Turn back to what you'll do with the time you do get with him..... to the positive happy things you DO have in your life.
Like I said, when your DIL jerks you around with seeing your gs, don't escalate. Don't spend time dwelling on the loss/unfairness/pain....
think ahead to when you do see your gs. It's coming, and will come again, and you have the choice of how to handle yourself in this situation.
Remember when you and I first started posting to each other? The imaginary helmet? To keep things out, before they can get in and trigger you/pull you down/harm you? Don't let DIL into your head, Lupe. It will take practice, but you're smart, and you can do this.
Forgive her, and know she can't do any bettter, of she would, bc she loves her son, and your son, and harming them isn't what she'd want if
she
could
do
better.
She can't.
You can.
Rise above, gain some emotional distance, and remember.....
your DIL is following the voices in her head, and the scipt that likely helped her survive as a child, but now harms her in her life.
It harms your entire family, and it's sad she can't give them more joy, but she can't.
How can you mitigate that harm? If at all? Certainly limit escalation wherever you can, right?
Not one negative peep to your son. He'll help you more if you aren't part of the problem, Lupe.
That's what you have to work with. Getting angry robs you, and you have the choice to adopt an attitude of intestinal fortitude, and always always always go back to wondering what happened to your DIL that makes her act that way....
shrug....
be happy you're having a better, day, week, month, life, and go on about a better day, refusing to let her drag you into the depths of despair.
That's the choice you have, and IME modeling that, in deed, word and esp your attitude/ spirit when around your gs IS HUGE. Kids can sense how we feel. THEY KNOW.
It will be huge for you too, and I'm praying every day your DIL stops lashing out, as you gain some distance from her, and you get a regular schedule with gs, and go on about your business.
It's going to be OK, Lupita. Trust. Be positive, or as positive as you can, vent here, and know all will be well.....
you're going to be OK.
We can't defend against stress and the fight or flight chemical dump. All we can do is try to STOP it from getting into our heads, before it starts, if we can. We choose how to handle the asshat in traffic, the mean waiter, the emotional slap from a family member, and either let them make us feel victimized, and rotten....
or not.
Don't let them control you, Lupita. Don't let them pull you down, and rob you of your joy. Ask yourself.....
I wonder what happened to that person instead.
Make it a habit.
Find your serenity Lupe, and I know I've been posting to you for years and years, and that you usually don't get much of what I say, but I keep saying it, bc your such a good person, and your challenges were inflicted on you by your mother, and it's not fair, and I want so much more for you. You've grown so much, and it's been so nice to witness your victories: )
Much love, and light...
Lighter
