Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Me and my CHF

<< < (2/2)

lighter:
It's complicated....

so very complicated, Izzy. 

Who knows when your daughter discovered her orientation, or suspected, or stepped out of denial, etc?

Who knows what parts of her were changed or formed by the year spent with your insensitive (at best) abusive (at worst) sisters, while you were in the hospital?  Who knows how her relationship with her father impacted her life?  His being in her life, and his death?

I the end, it sounds like she lacks remorse, compassion, and empathy, certainly for you..... like maybe she's cut off  :) entirely,  which is how I see cutting herself off from a "good enough mother".  I think you were a good enough mother, and that you'd still be there for her and your grandchildren if she allowed it.  You'll correct me if I'm wrong, as always, of course; ) 

Did she have compassion and empathy for her children when you were with them?  Is is something she lacks with regard to just you, Izz?  Is she capable of remorse in other situations?

I don't know why she'd need to continue shutting you out solely bc of the lifestyle choice if she's already told the world about it.

Lighter

Izzy_*now*:
Yes lighter,
So complicated that my brain cannot grasp all the possibilities.

I have now reached a point whereby I would consider my brother as my family at the time of my death, but have made arrangements that include Karla and out here, some 2500 miles from my brother and sisters.

I want to write to him and ask what he might think of doing, and tell him if it includes D, I don't want any service. She has told too many lies to cover her trail, that they would have to be said, by her, at a service? How gross and unseemly, but for her to tell the truth would mean she has lied for 38 years.

Best to have no service, as I cannot think of "old friends " from the farm years, after leaving there and hitting the big city and other places afterward. I'll say that just to my brother and if they want a service it will be only 3 sisters and one brother, with or without D -no minister, no burial, no flowers. That'll be done out here!

YES! VERY complicated, but any ideas from sane people are welcome

Love
Izzy

Hopalong:
I don't know if cremation is an option, Izz, but that's what I'm going for.
If I'm lucky enough to get old, anybody who turned up at a small memorial
would be pretty old too, and since I have no functioning family, that means
my few ancient friends would get stuck with carrying out my wishes.

So I'm going to keep them simple too, as you are.

Something I'd suggest for you is a big blowup of your favorite picture,
a tape of YOU SINGING playing, and a pre-paid-for rounds of drinks for
Karla and anyone else at your favorite bar you once mentioned having
such a good time at. Have them take your picture and prop it on the
bar, and announce to everyone there--The next round's on our old
friend Izzy!

Your inner storytelling/singing/wisecracking woman--nothing you've
been through has ever snuffed her out (or ever will).

love
Hops

Izzy_*now*:
Hi Hops,

Yes, cremation, and I've prepaid it. That is one small thing for Karla to deal with and scattering the ashes.

However, my siblings might get together, with my D and have a memorial service for "old people who are still alive", and I want nothing untoward being said.

As well it could be just those in my brother's living room, reminiscing.

I will see what he has to say but I'm sure he will go for no unpleasantness,
XX
Izzy

lighter:
Well, Izzy.....

I liked what Hops suggested about the bar, and pre paid drinks, with a great picture propped up on the bar.

Making it clear to your siblings that your memorial service should be short, and sweet.....

sans negativity.....

seems appropriate, and on target to me.

It should be a celebration of Izzy.  THAT's what your memorial service should be; )

Lighter

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page