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Having Trouble Being Ordinary

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Twoapenny:
Well Mr Maintenance man came out yesterday and finished of the last of the work on the house.  He was, as always, very sweet and kind, we chatted quite a bit, there was a lot of laughing and it just felt nice to be around him.  I gave him a little thank you card when he left, thanking him for all his hard work and saying that if he fancied a drink one evening to give me a ring, then put my mobile number.

I've not heard from him and, in these days of mobiles, I think most people would have sent a quick text at some point, even if just to say, got your message, will ring later or thanks but no thanks.  So I'm assuming that a date will not be forthcoming.

What I'm noticing from this is that experiencing this small rejection (perceived or otherwise) really highlights for me how empty my life is and how alone I feel.  It seems to really emphasise it and make the general difficulty with which I experience things seem more acute (and therefore more difficult to deal with).  I think this might be why I find it so hard to reach out to people - if it doesn't go the way I want it to I find it very difficult to deal with and find myself feeling very sad and lonely.  I feel the same when I come back from group things that we do where I've been around people I don't really want to hang out with (thank you for the tips on the other thread, I will update that one when I get online again later!).  I think those difficulties with people make me shy away from people in general.  The good interactions seem to be less than the not so good.  Or perhaps I just feel the not so good ones more keenly, I don't know.

Anyway - onwards and upwards.  We are going out for a walk after lunch.  There are two very lovely people at the sailing club we go to and I am going to suggest swapping numbers so that we can meet up from time to time over the winter (as sailing only runs from April to October).  There is a political group I feel quite affiliated towards so I may see if I can get a babysitter one night when they have a meeting on.  I feel the need to be around the like minded!

Thank you for all your input and thoughts, it really does help me, especially at times like this when I feel like the only person on the earth!

Hopalong:
YOO-hoo....
waving from the shore, waaaaay across the Atlantic...

I see you, Tupp! (Waving more excitedly...)

You are NOT alone!

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Hopalong on October 17, 2014, 09:57:21 PM ---YOO-hoo....
waving from the shore, waaaaay across the Atlantic...

I see you, Tupp! (Waving more excitedly...)

You are NOT alone!

hugs
Hops

--- End quote ---

Thanks, Hops.  What a waver :)  It means a lot to be able to come here and spill.  It has made me realise how I really detach from and avoid reality.  Like walking on eggshells the whole time.  But I do think each time I try it lifts another layer, even if it's painful to do.  I went to my son's sports club tonight (with the annoying women) and do you know, it wasn't annoying!  I managed to get another mum to come and sit alongside me and just that one extra person really changed the dynamic and the tone of the conversation - funny how that happens.  So I drank my coffee, enjoyed a chat, found out a bit about the country this particular lady comes from and watched my son do his thing.  Felt so much more relaxed than I have done there for ages.  Something definitely shifted, although I spent the morning sobbing but sometimes I think that just needs to come out from somewhere, maybe these unpleasant experiences are there to jolt the stuff out we need to get rid of?  Anyway, whatever the reasons I massively appreciate the waving :) xx

Gaining Strength:
I'm sorry you didn't hear back from him. It is a terrible feeling to put yourself out there and to not be received in kind. But I love the plans you have concerning the sailing club and the political group.  Those sound  quite positive.  You already know you have something in common in both instances.

I'm wishing you the best.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Gaining Strength on October 19, 2014, 04:59:35 PM ---I'm sorry you didn't hear back from him. It is a terrible feeling to put yourself out there and to not be received in kind. But I love the plans you have concerning the sailing club and the political group.  Those sound  quite positive.  You already know you have something in common in both instances.

I'm wishing you the best.

--- End quote ---

Thanks, GS.  It's funny, I felt quite awful about not hearing from him but now I feel quite glad because it gave me the push I needed to join a slimming group and I went for the first time last week, it was fab!  Nicest bunch of people I've met for a long time, very welcoming to my boy, the diet's easy to follow and I've stuck to it over the weekend, already feel better in myself (although too early to have lost any weight!).  And it was feeling so awful about him not calling that made me feel the need to do something so it was obviously what I needed.  By strange coincidence, I also got an email over the weekend from the political group I am interested in, they have just set up a branch near me and have invited me to go along.  Feel like the universe is lining things up for me at the minute.  I am trying to see difficult situations as things that are good in the long run because in each situation I always get to a point eventually where it becomes clear it was a good thing that it didn't go the way I wanted it to, I just find the intensity of the emotions at the time so hard to deal with.

Thank you for the support and the feedback :) xx

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