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Changing but feeling guilty

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Overcomer:
Thanks friends!!  It's nice to see familiar names cheering me on. 

I guess the guilt I feel is knowing I am rocking the dysfunctional boat.  For years my mom ruled the roost with a downward, disapproving look.  I knew better than to call out anyone who was screwed up - especially nmom.  Now I walk on eggshells and apologize before I make a point around her because she will shut down, give me the silent treatment and label me as the bad one for noticing that elephant in the room.  That was before a month ago when I decided I wouldn't do that anymore.  If I didn't like something I was going to speak up and I have.

My brother has found a sympathetic ear with mom's new husband so he calls him and tells him everything.  I feel kind of bad for him because he truly did not know what he was getting himself into when he married my mother.  He started expressing displeasure when mom would hand money to my cousin so I predicted the enabling would go underground and sure enough it did.  Rather than he going to mom's house to pick up money he now meets her for lunch which is when she gives him money I guess.  Everyone noticed my cousin is the best dressed of us all.  Doesn't work.  Lives with his parents.  Mooches off my mom and then comes in with new outfits every time we see him.  Newest thing - a $300 pair of running sandals.  Yes, sandals.  Quite the thing.  Paid for by my mom.

My daughter squirms when I speak truth.  She would rather triangulate and talk about others behind their back.  You see??  I'm not doing that anymore so I feel guilty that I cannot maintain the status quo and equilibrium in our messed up family.

So I keep on.  I use Essential oils on my body to try to fight the sarcoma.  I'm finally out of bed so I am doing chores around the house.  That feels good!!

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