Thank you, Guest, for your response. It gives me hope. Although I intellectually know that leaving my ex-N was best for all concerned (even him -- he was miserable trying to keep up the guise to sustain our relationship), I still miss him -- or the image of who I thought he was.
My life is less chaotic and calmer now. I am finding balance again. But in healing from this very destructive relationship, and feeling isolated because I am living in a new city with few contacts, it's been hard to reach out, recreate or socialize. In trying to renew some of my past relationships, especially with one woman friend in particular, I am finding resistance or, perhaps, even apathy. Some of my friends may have resented the void created by the preoccupation with my relationship.
And, sick as it sounds, I find myself wanting -- almost craving -- to know what he's up to and what he's doing. I have inklings but made a point to not ask mutual friends/contacts because I am trying to disengage completely. But my daily thoughts still focus on him. Weekends are particularly tough because there was always a lot of activity. And even though that activity focused mainly on his agenda, it still filled the void that I am currently experiencing. I know this too shall pass but have to consciously not engage in self pity, remorse or false reminiscing about the so-called good times with my ex-N.
Am glad to hear you endured the travails with your alcoholic NPD partner (same situation in my case) and have found a lasting, healthy relationship.
Question: you mentioned it's minus the drama. Did it take a while for that to feel okay? What I mean is did/does the relationship seem boring without the drama at first? If so, how long did it take for your transformation into not needing/wanting drama? I worry that because of the crisis-orientation of my childhood, I am inclined to view a "normal" relationship as boring.
Oh dear. I have quite a bit to work on, don't I?
