Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voiceless in the doctor's office
Twoapenny:
Wow, Dr G, I'm astonished to read that, I'm so sorry that you went through that with that man, for some reason I'd always assumed that doctors only have it in for certain types of people (in the UK they seem to assume anyone on a low income is stupid and causing and/or imagining their health problems, if you're female you could go in with your head chopped off and they'd still try and put you on anti-depressants). But it seems there are doctors who are that rude and aggressive whoever you might be. He sounds awful and very bad at his job.
Personally I think researching your own health and finding things that work for you is a great way to go. I've done masses of research over the years into my son's health and I find it very empowering, particularly if you are dealing with a health problem for which there is no cure and is something that you just have to find a way to manage day to day. But I hope that in the course of your research that you come across a better doctor who puts his patients first.
Worn:
Oh wow!! That is very familiar and very not cool! It is, unfortunately, very doctor like behavior but also completely unacceptable. One of my criteria for keeping a doctor is that they listen to me. You doc is not only not listening to you, he is putting words in your mouth! He is making you not only voiceless but has created his own image of who you are. I would urge you to consider changing pcp's. They are the center of our personal health care and they need to be good at that job. Unfortunately, it sounds like yours sucks. I think it is especially important to have a good pcp when you have chronic health issues. I also have an autoimmune disease (someday I want to do a survey on how many people who experience voicelessness have autoimmune diseases!), my pcp is fantastic but I had to shop around for him. I fired my own of ten years and asked around for someone good. My current pcp listens to me, takes what I say seriously, documents what I say (the importance stuff), and is all around good at his job. You wouldn't take your car to a mechanic that behaved like your doc did, don't take your body to someone like that either. You deserve better.
lighter:
Sorry you're struggling, Doc.
Have you done any research into Nutritional Response Testing? You may get some relief with a different approach, certainly with a different doctor.
The NRT practitioner I took my children to see was wonderful. She identified things Western docs never consider... the results were astonishing.
Treating the causes, instead of symptoms, makes a lot of sense. Hopefully you can get some referrals to doctors willing to listen, and perhaps refer you in the right direction if they don't know what to do. Doctors shouldn't shame and belittle patients when the doctor is out of his depth.
Lighter
Dr. Richard Grossman:
Wow! Thank you Garbanzo, Hops, teartracks, ann3, Bones, Twoapenny, Worn, and Lighter for your kind words of support! (I have to be careful—I may get used to it and start going around “looking for sympathy …)
There is so much to talk about in this arena. If I may post some thoughts in separate posts on this thread…
Garbanzo: “I guess it is easier for doctors to say "you are making it up" than it is for them to say "I don't know".”
At least in my neck of the woods (the Harvard Medical School system), many doctors went into the profession and ended up here in small part to help people, but in large part because of the status. I was naïve enough in my 20’s to believe that the Harvard Medical School system was where the smartest doctors/health professionals in the world were. What I found was a world dominated by narcissism and politics. I was told repeatedly while I was on staff and teaching at Mass. General Hospital that I had to play the game. LOL, my genes would never allow it—my daughter is exactly the same way. So was my mother (my mother almost did not graduate Barnard College because she refused to meet the silly gym requirement.) The last time I questioned the dominance of politics over all else, my MGH unit chief said “Welcome to the adult world,” and I said, via subtext: “Not my adult world.” I quit—and disappeared (in my work life) to my moldy basement—a tiny space that ultimately became filled with love, attachment, and real people. (OK, the occasional spider would bow and scrape…) Who could ask for a better world?!!!
So, you’re right Garbanzo—doctors, in general, and Harvard Medical school doctors in particular have a hard time saying: “I don’t know.”
Richard
P.S. One of the benefits of spending my 20’s working/teaching in the MGH/HMS system, of course, is that this Board (and my web site in general), emerged, in large part, from my discovery of what esteemed “adult life” could be like.
Dr. Richard Grossman:
Hops, ann3, Bones, Twoapenny, and Worn re: finding another doctor/PCP. Yes, I found another doctor. I’m not the type of person who absorbs anger/insult and comes back for more. Of course, I had to write him a letter/e-mail—because I’m also not the kind of person (especially at this age) who would/could just disappear and not say anything.
First, I thanked him for his care over the years. Then, I pointed out the relevant research. Next, I told him he was wrong about me personally i.e. his notion that I was the kind of person who went around looking for sympathy. (Maybe I should have when I was raising 3 teenagers in my 20’s, LOL!) And finally I concluded with:
“I know the treatment options—there are very few besides NSAID’s (which bring no significant relief). But certainly, in the future, it would be better to say genuinely to patients such as myself: ‘I know your quality of life is diminished, and I wish there were something I could do to help, but unfortunately, there isn’t.’ Such a statement is the polar opposite of anger and insult.”
Of course all of the above has much to do with the personality of the particular doctor. I won’t say more, because I have no interest in revealing who he is. But there’s one more overarching issue: The lives of doctors have changed/are changing dramatically because of the need to reduce costs and the reduced income. From the provider end, dealing with insurance companies is often a nightmare. And I know from my doctor patients, that many doctors now regret their career choice and would never recommend such a choice to their children. I worry that some of the anger this generates will be directed (particularly by power/status conscious doctors) towards patients who do not improve as a result of treatment. There certainly are many of us out there…
Richard
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version