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Easter Sadness:Sibling Collateral Damage

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Worn:
Hey Sun.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I can feel the pain in your words.  I have a brother that I love dearly and still have contact with but we're very distant from each other and have very little contact.  He was the golden child and nmom fueled the natural sibling rivalry that is often between the middle and youngest.  He picked on me when we were young and he may feel bad about that.  We just can't seem to connect on more than a very shallow level.  And as an adult I haven't kept up my half of the job of staying connected either.  My heart longs so badly to make a real connection with him.  To put aside the strings and traps that nmom placed between the two of us and just get to know my brother.  I don't know if we will ever be able to do that but I hope that one day we can.  Maybe one day you can work things out with your brother.  Sometimes things can change with time and love.  Hoping for healing for you, Journey

Gaining Strength:
When my mother died two years ago the damage done early in our childhood emerged in its full glory.  My brothers, with whom I had superficial relations, teamed up against me and did unthinkable things.  That made it easier to let go but it is excruciatingly painful to have no family at holiday time especially for my child who was only 12 at the time.  No acknowledgement of him what so ever.  It is the only family my child has as his father was an only child and his parents were long dead.  To see my child completely cutoff is painful indeed.  These holidays make it indescribably painful.

I wish I didn't understand.  My heart aches for you. I am so sorry.

Ales2:
Sunblue - I went through the very same thing  - I lost my Dad who was a great guy and left me with an NMother. Just last week I was thinking that his only mistake was marrying her. Anyway, my brother also abandoned me, two Christmases ago, I called him to ask what he, his wife and three boys wanted for Xmas. He said he thought that it would be easier to not exchange gifts. Easier? For who? I buy five gifts he buys one. Really? The last connection I had to him was our gift exchange at Xmas.

Brother moved on and entirely invested himself in his new family and her parents. Her parents gave them their house and moved into condo. A story for another day is that my brother loves hand-me-downs. Dont know how exactly this happened except NMom treated him badly, like a second class citizen, I think its an unconscious feeling he got from her. He doesn't work very hard towards financial goals, because in our house hard work was never rewarded so he underperforms and enjoys whatever crumbs he can get. He sure loevs used furniture, cars, clothes and other assorted used items he picks up at thrift stores and elsewhere. Very weird because Dad was wealthy, financial hardship did not exist in our childhood, but mother was a scrooge,  withholding both money and approval.

My specific issue with him is that he went to marriage counseling in 1998 and discovered my Mom was N and NEVER told me. It took me another 10 years for me to figure that out and I sure was pissed that he never told me when it would have helped me. After that, I really felt betrayed.

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