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ann3:

--- Quote ---it took me many years to truly see and identify her destructive behaviors this way.
--- End quote ---

Ales,
I think it took many of us decades to identify the behavior because it is such a subtle thing, like a frog in a slow boiling pot of water.  When we have an NM, this is the behavior we grew up with, so it feels "normal".  Then there's the gaslighting & denial, so it's difficult to name it.

Re: that letter:  IMO, you're correct:  Please don't confront the N, it's not productive.  You could write it in your diary or write a letter & burn it.

Ales2:
Had an awful screaming match with my NM this morning. She called me so I called back . First we argued over a bank error. Then she told me she has an appointment in my town and wants to meet for dinner. I said no and told her not to drive or stop by. That escalated into a "you are hiding something" accusation. No I'm not hiding anything, I have appointments today.  I have been very specific about no visits, no surprise visits those are my boundaries.  Her response is "YOU AND YOUR BOUNDARIES!."
 
I was SO ANGRY. She told me she sees what I write on the internet which is fine by me and somehow mentioned she a "person" she sees. I think she means therapist although I have some doubts.

She called back later to say she changed her appointment in town so she can come again next week. Whatever, the woman is psycho and I just want to be left alone. She continually wants to see me and harass me.

The next day she calls back and tries to meet up with me again saying she changed her in town appointment to today.  Again, I tell her I have appointments in search for a job.

I think she is seeing one of these therapists that help parents deal with estranged children. I think they are short term solution oriented therapists that get the parent to accept the loss, without investigating the cause behind the loss. Their belief (my guess entirely here from reading blogs) is that parents and children need to be separate and they try to get the parents to see that. Ive heard sometimes they advocate "cutting off" adult children from financial help, but frequently I don't think these people realize that not all the children are the manipulators or moochers, sometimes the parents are underminers, saboteurs and control freaks who are incapable of cutting off their children. Not sure they always see the dynamics at work.

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