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Dirty procrastinating husband and me bitching, moaning and complaining.

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Overcomer:
Hello everyone!!  It seems in all the world this is the only place I can vent.

I'm dealing with this cancer.  I do not have the stamina I once had and it is very frustrating to me.

So all I want is for my husband to be my hero but.......

We had a graduation open house and I gave him 4 weeks notice to get the pool area and the back yard presentable.  By the time the open house came around there were still weeds and dirt and an unfinished paving tile project still sitting there (the paving tile project was started about a year ago.....)  The cooler with the beer in it had 4 years worth of dirt on it.  He didn't see it.  He smokes.  You cannot see out of the windshield in his car because of the thick stench film of nicotine.  He hasn't washed his sheets in months (actually I washed them the last time.)  He never wipes the stove off.  He leaves the toilet seat up and I can see the pubic hair so I have to wipe it.  He's losing his teeth because he wouldn't go to the dentist for the first 10 years of our marriage.

At this point I am angry.  I am mad because he only takes care of his needs.  He does his laundry (when I finally refused to do it) but won't do towels or anyone elses.  I went downstairs where the bathroom that he uses is and there was a pile of dog poop which he didn't pick up because he knows I never go down there so why bother???  I don't think I want to go into the bathroom he uses because it will be filthy. 

I could go on and on and on about the things that drive me crazy about the man.  He plans sex and I have no say in the conversation.  So yesterday I texted him and told him a bunch of people showed up at the house and he needed to get home because I wanted him to grill.  He said he wouldn't.  I asked him if he liked being forced into things?  I was trying to get him to understand that I do not appreciate a text at 8:00 am on a Saturday asking me if I'm gonna hop in the shower (code for he wants sex.)

I really don't even like him.  He leans alcoholic and is very self centered.  His only concern about me dying is that "he's gonna get screwed."

I really want to leave but I've got so much stress in my life I cannot add that to the mix.  He won't worry about my feelings dealing with an aggressive cancer, no he'll make my life miserable.  I just don't know what to do!!!  I think the man has Asperger's and I also think he is only concerned about himself...

lighter:
I'm so sorry (((Kelly)))

Your h isn't prepared to support you during your struggle with cancer, or lend a hand around the house.

I see it like this......

he doesn't seem able to care for himself either. 

Maybe he is Aspie to some degree.  That would explain some of the mystery around his inability to connect with you, and be a compassionate human being.

I wouldn't feel compelled to have sex with the man since his conduct drains your energy.  That would be the answer I gave whenever he asked for sex.  THEN maybe he'd understand that you need help, cooperation, and support if you're expected to have energy fro something besides fighting this cancer.

I don't know how you do it. 

::shaking head::

I don't.

Lighter

Ales2:
Hi Kelly So sorry to hear you are dealing with this. It is hard enough to deal with passive aggressive people who dont cooperate when asked to do normal chores. That alone would be a drag and frustrating at any time, but harder still when you are dealing with your cancer treatments. 

As a suggestion, when you break down what needs to be done- basic house cleaning/laundry, the yard weeding/lawn care/finish tile project, car wash - it sounds like a lot but 3 are maintenance to be done once a week and one is project that needs to be completed (tile project). You dont mention what your resources are,  is it possible that you can hire someone to handle the yard and someone to clean/do laundry once a week? If finances are a problem, is it possible that your cancer center might have support assistance and provide housekeeping assistance on a weekly basis? Maybe someone from your church or a student in the area might need to earn a few extra dollars per week? I agree he should do his share, but might this work in the short term?  I did not address the dentist issue, thats really his choice, but everything else is something you can delegate.
 
One last thing, it also sounds like your husband is not providing you with any emotional support - is it possible for you to get in a cancer support group?

All the best to you Kelly.

Hopalong:
((((Kelly)))))

I do wish you could actually leave.
But I understand it might be really hard.

I just imagine you dealing with life and healing and cancer and what matters most to you...
in a more serene, quiet, gentle space. (And a clean one.)

I will hold that vision for you, with comfort and strength.

love
Hops

teartracks:



Kelly,

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you what living with a childish, immature husband slob who has more than one person's share of disgusting habits.  I pray that he sees how desperately you need him to look after you rather than make your burden even heavier by his selfish actions.

tt

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