Entitlement

[Gabben]

Hi all,

It has been a long while since I have visited the board. After after many years and much wrestle and fight with my own deeply entrenched shame, aggression, hatred and unconscious desires for superiority and more, I have finally matured like good wine into mellow calm and loving spirit, my ego is more right size and I can tolerate N's, and even dare say love them. I can see the good and beautiful in others. I find myself less reactive in general. All addictions have vanished, including my long struggle with smoking, which I used to often write about here. I am free on so many levels.

However, God or life seems to put  N's in my path, perhaps because selfishness and moral relativity is rampant in our society? Who doesn't have a N co-worker, family member or friend who we have contend with from time to time? For me, in the past living and dealing with N's provided the opportunity for triggers; awareness and healing by original pain work with forgiveness as the goal in mind to work towards. Now N's provide me with the opportunity for selflessness, patience and the practice of not flinching when the become aggressive covertly or otherwise.

I still rent rooms in my apartment and from time to time I get N roommates, mostly younger women who have an ingrained sense of entitlement. Generation Y. Need I say more. How did society raise a generation of entitled kids? Anyway, it never ceases to amaze me how much projection the N's dish out.

The last N roommate would not let me speak, literally. I was not allowed to express my voice albeit concern or general emotional honesty. She was opportunistic and manipulative. I was charmed by her when we met and then treated with contempt after she moved in and got what she wanted. I need to learn to spot the N's better and listen to my gut.

Through all, because I know myself better, I was able to maintain composure and strength, until recently when I showed my anger over her dishonesty.

Why can't N's handle negative mirrors and emotions of others?

The good news is I stood up for myself and stood my ground as gracefully as possible, and she moved. She couldn't handle the mirror truth I was holding up to her that her N traits are the problem, perhaps?

Gabben



 

[Gabben]

Hello? Hello? Anyone here?

I used to come to this board post and engage with some of the most wonderful people with knowledge, compassion and and insight. Gaining Strength, Ami, Bill (Wiltay), Teartracks, River, Hopalong, Phoenix Rising and many, many more. There was so much activity on this board and the discussions on NPD were alive and enriching, for the most part. Now this place is a ghost town. Is it because membership is closed or did the N's in this world face themselves and stop abusing people?

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Gabben,

Over time people move on for different reasons, and because the Board has not been open to new membership for 6 years or so, there are far fewer people still posting here.   I wanted to let you know so that you didn’t take the non-response to your post personally.

Best,

Richard

[Gabben]

Thanks Richard!

That was my guess too!

[Ales2]

Hi Gabben,

Sorry the responses are not coming to you.

You ask a good question about where the entitlement of GenY comes from, I am GenX (Im 47).  My guess is there are many reasons - economic growth that allowed the middle class (up until recently anyway) to have more than most other societies, the me-generation movement of the 70s, the human possibility movement of the 70s, business catering to giving people comfort, parents raising kids with too much permissiveness not enough challenge and other reasons, such as war is over there, we mostly love in the US in peace, very few people sign up for military service, because we are not called anymore to do anything for society (Im not saying war has purpose but people do unite around causes) and some would be for the reason we are all here, the psychology of some is deeply flawed and selfish.

And, yes the board is a little less active than it has been. I too miss response on my posts.

[Gabben]

"psychology of some is deeply flawed and selfish."  Agreed.

Ales2,

Thank you. I was feeling alone in my frustration with the entitlement generation. I am 47 too. Your post has some many good points to ponder, such as raising kids with too much permissiveness not enough challenge.

I think people's values are deeply skewed. People love comfort and materialism above virtue. I know I was leaning in this direction in my early twenties, but I was shaken up by painful realities I created out of my own selfishness. I had to change my ways, slowly.

I wonder what the world is going to look like when Gen Y are CEO's and political leaders? Or perhaps they will stay in their cozy tech jobs working 25 plus hours a week and snow boarding and mountain biking the rest of the time? I sound sarcastic I know, but I am being serious.

The Gen Y's are lost. They seem to be searching for their sense of identity in careers, fame and money, not unlike past generations. But at least past generations grew-up with a sense of spiritual or religious values.

[sea storm]

why can't Ns handle a mirror put up for them......


I think that means feedback and assertive behaviour.  I don't know WHY Ns can't handle feedback but it is not in their crazy rulebook.  That would require give and take and compassion and a genuine desire to know you. None of which is part of an N. It probably did you good to let off steam and get honest with the N roomate. But there would be no movement in the relationship growth department.

As for this generation.... it is hard to speak to such a broad topic.  Lots of this generation really are great, caring, well rounded and responsible people. Lots aren't. It is so important to spot an N early before one is charmed and disarmed by their amazing manipulations. I wonder what the roomate did to enchant you. Was she almost too good to be true?  Good lesson taught with minimum damage.

I don't think people have disappeared so much as grown out of the pain from the initial  trauma that brought them here. I know I am not in the middle of a psychological collapse anymore. I find it interesting to see where people are now. When someone gets a problem there is usually a great fluttering of wings around here and a protective and wise cloak is produced by a few strong voices. There is a whole field there ie. after a Narcissist and therapy where does one go. There is always the existential crunch of the times we live in so it is no nirvana.

I sort of moved on and didn't have anything to say for ages. I got really busy starting my store and moving house. When things got tough I was so thankful that good people were still here. It is an amazing group of people. It was a fantastic undertaking to create this site and mountains got moved. I sometimes think that there is a goldmine of beautiful and deep conversation here and I hope someone keeps it. This whole way of relating seems to be going the way of the dodo.

Not too earth shaking. More like musings.

Sea