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PR's new saga...

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BonesMS:
I am so sorry.

sKePTiKal:
Thank you all.

Our friends from the yacht club know, thanks to Susan & Fred - our neighbors who dropped off a big picnic basket of Thanksgiving fixin's Wed. night. Our banker, who is also a friend came by for our "ritual" -- decompressing from stress and emotional storms -- in the pool house, Irish wake style. Holly & Autumn cooked yesterday and covered the table with all the old standbys. Matt went fishing twice yesterday.

Honestly, the first responders were still here when the first call came in from Mike's aunt. I'd called his brother and asked him to let his sister & Aunt (I call her the switchboard... LOL) know. She's married to the last surviving sibling of his mom's family, so we've been closer to them than others. I've been reassured that I'll continue to be invited to family gatherings. Mike's brother is flying overseas today, so I haven't seen him yet. He was the one that was here a couple of times for several days and spent time with us. The sibs will have an open house for all his friends in the home town, at the house they all grew up in. In March, when there is a season opening event for a long weekend at the beach, and when we would have a housefull of people to celebrate his birthday - we'll do that again.

A couple of years ago, a friend of his - from "before me" - died unexpectedly. It really hit him hard. He tried to organize a high school reunion, and reconnected to a lot of his old friends after I encouraged him to get on Facebook. And I think that's when he started to realize he wasn't well. He had started to go really quiet and pull back from me; even to the point of sleeping on the couch instead of in bed and not sharing a bathroom with me. Someone pointed out that he was trying to protect me from the reality of things, but I think that was a defensive move because I would've hauled him kicking & screaming to the doctor sooner if I hadn't had so much pushback and denial from him. He never talked about his feelings and yet, there was something terribly fragile emotionally about him. If we hadn't been able to convince him to go in, when we did - we would've been at this point before Halloween.

The kids will be here through the weekend. Both my brother & mother have called, and actually been kind of decent to me -- even if mom did talk for 40 mins about herself again. My mom has always been a recluse; she's the one who said I have to get out & see people. But weird or not, all I want is to be alone... to process the stillness... and start the process of packing up all the stuff he's "collected" and taking the plan that I am sure I'll pursue, that developed over the last year or two... and start checking things off that list. And I need to boot his laptop that he had in the hospital and here at home and see if he left me a note. At the beginning of the month, he was still able to write and signed a birthday card for me. Not being strong enough to form the sounds for words was a tough thing for both of us.

Guess I'll never know why he thought he needed 6 cowboy hats; he always wore a ball cap. Maybe they were on sale. LOL.

mudpuppy:

--- Quote ---But weird or not, all I want is to be alone... to process the stillness... and start the process of packing up all the stuff he's "collected" and taking the plan that I am sure I'll pursue, that developed over the last year or two... and start checking things off that list.
--- End quote ---

That's exactly how I felt and what I did.
I was like a beaver for a month or two cleaning out this and rearranging that and putting up a little shelf or fixing this, that and the other thing. Maybe more like a squirrel rearranging its nest. I have no idea why I did any of that; I didn't get rid of any pictures or clothes that she actually wore. I just kind of stored the stuff she didn't use and organized what I cared about of hers. It did help though, why ever it happened.
And I also just wanted to be alone; I still do at times.
I hope not too many people try to tell you how to grieve. Some people seem to think there is a one size fits all way or that there is some orderly five step process with neat and tidy phases that can be labeled. Everyone does it in their own way and in their own time.
Don't hesitate to seek help to deal with it. There are a lot of grief groups and your local hospice has a lot of resources to point you to if you want some and they often have their own counselors for one on one stuff if you don't want the group thing. I didn't.


--- Quote ---Guess I'll never know why he thought he needed 6 cowboy hats; he always wore a ball cap. Maybe they were on sale.
--- End quote ---

LOL. Or the shoes...I never realized how many she had because she only wore a small fraction of them.



mud

ann3:
I'm so sorry to hear this, PR.  My condolences to you.

Twoapenny:
So, so sorry, Phoenix, thinking of you, much love to you and your family and friends xxx

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