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Daughter in Law from Hell like alsmot psicho

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Lupita:
My daughter in law hates me ofr no reason. Her mother is constantly poisoning her agaisnt me. Her mother does not want her to have a good realtionship with me. The last ugly thing she did was the following.
I invited her and my son and the baby for a concert. She said yes. Three days later she inventes a pic nic ofr that day and told me that I was not allowed to go becasue she wanted the baby to play with her family and if I was there the baby would play with me only.
I take care of the baby because after working full time I make my self available to take care of him for free, and it cost me money since I have to drive to theri place, I have to bring my food and end up very tired.
Why does she want a party to exclude me when she could not do anything without my help?
My son said I was being dramatic.
It hurt me so much. The foruth of july she pushed me away too. I work for her very hard and give up alll my free time and when she has a party I end up alone at home.
There is nothing I can do to help this. I feel powerless and victimized.
I gave her a plant and the plant died very strengely in a few hours.
I gave her a book and the book desappeared.
So, she pushes me away no matter I do. I am so hurt and lonely. My son is like in a state of coma or zomby. He just wants peace at al costs and does not care if she is right or wrong.

Twoapenny:
Perhaps it is time to stop offering free childcare, Lupe, if you are being taken advantage of like this?  I know that would mean you seeing less of your grandson but if the only reason they include you is because you will work for them for nothing then eventually he won't need childcare and you probably won't see much of him when that happens?  Perhaps you need to give them a notice period of four to six weeks, explaining that you love spending time with him and would love to keep seeing him but that you aren't able to carry on providing childcare after such and such a date and that they will have to make other arrangements?

lighter:
Hi Lupita:

I'm glad to read you have plenty of time with your grandson.... even if it's taxing and hard and you're not appreciated or treated fairly.  At least you have a special relationship with your little chap.

It seems like being left out of the family gathering is your DIL punishing you for having a special relationship with your gs, btw.

She's jealous of your relationship with your son also, it seems.

You can't change that, but maybe if you don't let her see you suffer.... she'll jerk you around less, bc there's no pay off?

I'm sorry you';re struggling but happy to see you back,.

Maybe it's time to let the DIL scramble for a babysitter a few times soon, just so she remembers how nice free babysitting is?

Esp one who loves her child so much, and is so good to him?

Lighter

Lupita:
Thank you Towapenny and thank you Lighter.

The thing is that I am not ready to put up with the consequences of a choice to stop babysitting. I would suffer more than what I am suffering now. I think. Like you said before. When the pain of leaving is bigger than the pain of staying...............
The things is that I enjoy babysitting. I cannot stop. It is stronger than me.
And yes, she is very insecure, narcissistic and egoistic. She does not want anybody to love my son and he not to love anybody else. But my son is a zomby. His brain is not working. He letgs her do whatever she wants. No matter if she is wrong or roght.

I do not know what I am going to do. But for now I cannot stop bebysitting. I love spending time with my grand son.

I wish I could counter act what she does. if she sees me happy she might thing something is wrong.

lighter:
Lupita:

Well..... I hope you can focus on the lovely relationship you have with your grandson, and not on the way your son makes you feel.

Honestly, your son is likely walking a very thin line keeping the peace with his wife..... I think he knows you'll love him no matter what.

 You're safe.

Maybe his wife's love is more conditional?

Maybe she's trauma bonded to him, destroying everyone's peace when he doesn't please her?  Maybe he's doing all he can to bring peace into his son's life?  Seems like a pretty good bet, consider how she treats you, IMO.

I don't know LUpita.

From here..... I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your grandson. He'll grow up fast, so be sure to stay rooted in the moments of joy you can have.

Try not to let the DIL and son rob you of too much pleasure.  You won;t ever get these years back, kwim?

((((Lupe and grandson))))

Have you asked him what God looks like yet?  I just love to hear what little children say about that.  My youngest child said that God is a woman.  ::nodding::

Lighter

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