I'm in one of those quandries where I seem to be seeing this everywhere at the moment and am unsure as to whether it's 'real' or I'm just very sensitive at the moment (there is/has been a lot going on and I'm pretty sure I'm heading toward the menopause, lots of hot flushes, sleep problems and moodiness so I'm not feeling terribly reliable).
Little things, like a couple of people I'm reasonably close to always seem to have the same thing I have in my life, only worse? If my son's not well, their child is even more ill, if I'm strapped for cash, they're even more skint, if I'm not sleeping, they're sleeping even less. Makes me feel tired talking to them, I feel like my own life is echoed back at me sometimes?
One friend in particular who blows very hot and cold; desperate to meet up one week, then doesn't return my calls for a month. Makes me feel uneasy. Is slightly reminiscent of my mum ignoring me for days because I displeased her in some way. Never sure how much is unfair triggering or a genuine reminder, if you see what I mean.
Victim role - friend in a genuinely difficult situation and I do feel for her but she ignores every offer of help I make well in advance and then contacts at last minute to ask for assistance. I'm quite strong about my boundaries these days and won't change my plans unless it's a genuine emergency so have refused the last minute requests but feel odd about the situation - why not say yes three days before instead of waiting until there is a panic?
What else - people who live nearby who always tell me (when I bump into them in the shop) how much they'd love to see us and how much they've missed us but who don't phone, return my calls or visit. Again, boundaries - for me it has to be a two way street these days so there are a lot of people I just don't see anymore because they don't make any effort and I won't make the effort for both of us but if I bump into them elsewhere they talk in a way that makes it sound as if I've dropped them.
Estranged sis - got back in touch two years ago, has been lovely to be in contact again, have kept my boundaries in place and so on but again it seems to be fizzling out due to lack of effort on her part and me not being willing to do all the running about. Another friend - one who's notorious for changing plans at the last minute - trying to get me to commit to Christmas plans - boundaries! Can't plan for Christmas due to son's health problems, very open with people about this and keep things very casual yet being pestered to agree to things, not being heard. And so on.
Keeping your boundaries in place is hard work! I should add that I've got some lovely, lovely friends who are wonderful and I treasure them. Currently trying very hard to look after my health, good food, exercise, trying to meditate regularly, seeing osteopath about my back and going for acupuncture to help me relax. Just feeling like a lot of deadwood at times. Just sometimes really crave someone else doing something for me, no strings, no obligations, just that little bit of someone to fall back on every now and again.
Anyway - just splurging! Not a big crisis, more of a ponder
