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Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on January 19, 2016, 10:03:42 AM ---Hey Tupp... I totally relate to the always busy, to only stand still. My hubs was the total opposite - and even wore his "laziness" as he called as a brownie point or badge of "suthern honor". But when the laziness turned into not feeling well...
On my side of the spectrum, I started using 2x2 post it notes: my "list" for a day to fit on that post-it (and it had to be legible, too!). So, only 3-5 things "to-do" -- outside of the normal housework chores of living.
Now, even that plan is evolving. Part of my day is spent doing one or two paperwork things. And then, the rest is spent on physical work - either the sorting, organizing, purging or outdoor clean up. (Depending on the weather.) Immersion into one or the other to the exclusion (that day) of the other kind of "work"... feels wrong; so doing a little of both is helping me feel like I'm not neglecting one or the other categories.
--- End quote ---
I'm finding similar, Skep, I've honed my to do list down to four or five tasks and I'm being more realistic about how long things take and spreading jobs over several days instead of beating myself up for not decorating the entire house in three hours flat :) It's funny how it makes a difference psyhcologically - I feel great today because I'm 'ahead' of my list for the week, just because I've written less on it. I can see how I was creating work for myself but often not actually getting anywhere. I'm wondering if it's anything to do with being disconnnected (for me, anyway) - if it's been a way of avoiding thinking about things and avoiding things that bring about change (which is often painful). I don't know - I'm finding I'm thinking a lot as I paint, it does free your mind for other things! x
Meh:
Things really don't fall apart when you stop making a to-do list. Ironically it was after things fell apart that I quit making a to-do list because it was no longer a priority. Somehow the most important things we always know what they are list or not.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on January 20, 2016, 10:24:42 PM ---Things really don't fall apart when you stop making a to-do list. Ironically it was after things fell apart that I quit making a to-do list because it was no longer a priority. Somehow the most important things we always know what they are list or not.
--- End quote ---
You're absolutely right, G, for me it's definitely a control/anxiety type thing, my therapist used to tease me about having so many lists I needed a list to keep track of them. I do think my need for control is reducing, albeit quite slowly :)
Twoapenny:
I'm wondering if my personality is too bland or unobtrusive? In the last week I've had a friend visit and leave the house in a mess because he didn't clear up after his child, another friend brought his dog and left the house in a mess and someone rang me yesterday and left a message on my answerphone saying that they were just ringing because they were out of the house and they had some time to fill. I just feel like I'm invisible sometimes, and unnoticed. If we get toys out at a friend's house I put them away again. If my pet made a mess I'd clean it up. I can't imagine telling someone I cared about that I was ringing them to fill up some time. Feels like a basic lack of respect? I just wouldn't do that to others. Sometimes I feel like the only one I have a really good relationship with is my cat :)
Hopalong:
Hi Tupp,
This is so way out in left field it probably belongs elsewhere...and it's about romance, NOT friendships.
But I was reading it because I talked with someone who has OCD, and when I just read your last post, something wobbled in my brain and I wondered if there might be an anxiety or OCD component to your feelings of upset and anxiety about lack of reciprocal connection with others. (Not a "diagnosis"--just connecting with the anxiety beneath it I think.)
(All of which I can often totally relate to. I remember decades when I was microscrutinizing everyone, and in hindsight, I think it was fear. Of abandonment. Of invisibility. Of not mattering. Ultimately of not being loved.)
So for what it's vaguely worth, thought this article might ring a spark or two:
http://ocdla.com/rocd-relationship-ocd-myth-of-the-one-3665
love to you,
Hops
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