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Standing up for women

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Hopalong:
I completely understand how the horror and frustration of that work left a sharp edge on your sword, Sea.

I completely understand everything you expressed about this pain...and if not anger, then what do we have?
Resignation? Apathy?

((((((((((((((((((((Sea))))))))))))))))

love,
Hops

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sea storm on December 03, 2015, 04:11:22 PM ---For some ungodly reason bringing up the topic of child abuse or the abuse of women is socially unacceptable. Whether spoken with words of utmost delicacy or thundered from the hilltops.  There are dominant voices in our culture and they decide who will have power and who will not.
I felt broken after working with children who were abused. Not because of the ghastly things that happened to them in the most unfair ways but because there was no justice for them and no safety. Trying to  reveal the abuse casts the messenger in a dangerous situation. I must sound paranoid, delusional and overreacting but I'm not.

Here is an example..... I little girl who looked like a half starved, anxious waif and was therefore scorned by her peers in grade three came to see me because she was anxious and it was suspected that she couldn't learn because she was learning disabled. She was lovely to talk with, open, friendly, eager to please. All very well. After a few visits I asked her the big questions like "If a miracle happened and you could change your family, what would you like to see change?" She said I want my brother to stop touching my privates.
Before she had said he bullied her unmercifully. Now she was revealing the worst.
I was already in trouble with the principal for sending a notice home with kids in grades 1 to 3 about the high incidence of bullying by older siblings and how destructive it is. It was very understated and fact based.  This was for my little friend.
I brought the parents in and it was clear that the boy could do not wrong and the little girl could do no right. In the meeting I said outright that the bullying was going to stop. The boy was there with his parents. So was the little girl.  The parents were shocked and disbelieving. I repeated this " It is going to stop" " It is going to stop including touching your sister's privates" .  It was like dropping a bomb in the family. As far as I was concerned, I was going to protect the little girl and the boy needed help too. He admitted the abuse, and instead of comforting the girl the parents comforted the boy. He had been embarassed by the truth and of course he felt ashamed.  People just don't know the extent of the abuse of children.  A  couple of weeks later I asked the little girl if the abuse stopped. She said no, now her beats on me harder but the sexual things stopped. I spoke to the principal and he did not believe the little girl and said she was a pathological liar.  I think he said that because he is very ambitious but I just looked at him and was speechless. He added that he played hockey with the father , who was also physically and verbally abusive to the little girl, and thought he was much to nice a guy to ever do anything like that. That is the way of the world.  It happens a lot.
People who speak up about it get labelled nuts. It makes me so sad.

Thank you Hops. You are a good soul.



--- End quote ---

I am sorry but this makes no sense to me?  Why aren't you reporting abuse to the authorities?  Children's services, the police?

sea storm:
I did report it and nothing happened. If you think that simply reporting will fix everything,.... it doesn't.
It is very difficult to penetrate the  complexities of abuse. It is often a he said, she said situation with no hard evidence. Just the disclosure of a child.  Imagine how hard it is for a child to get a parent into trouble. The child often retracts her story because no child can bear to tear apart her family.
This is very hard to talk about and I still feel the pain of it.
Of course I reported it. I mentioned the principal because he wanted to know if any reports of abuse were made to authorities. Parents are furious when this happens and challenges teachers and principals, including jumping over the front office counter and grabbing him by his shirt. He wanted a head's up so he could prepare himself.  Legally, I am bound to report if abuse is suspected and to report to Children's Services.  The police are not involved at first.
The world of child abuse and the systems involved including law is a labyrinth of darkness, fear and coverup.  It is pretty easy to shut a child up and reporting is not a miracle cure.
Sometimes just reporting can wake a family up to abuse in the family and the wake up call is headed and it actually helps the whole family.
I don't even know why I am telling this here.  It is impossible for the outside world to get the extent of the sexual abuse of children or to convert them to changing it.

I am not bashing all men, but I am saying that there are so many male offenders that it appears to be a cultural norm. Obviously, there are female offenders but statistically there are a lot  less. I mean by that that at least 90 percent are male.   On this Voicelessness board there are many people who have been abused and I would think that narcissists head the list of most likely to offend. Not sure though. 

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