So, today is the anniversary of Mike's passing. I've actually been kinda looking forward to it - as a way to mark this transition in our - and now, my - life... and to start moving from mourning/grief being the emotional underpinning of "me", to starting to explore and discover what's "next". The external stuff - change of scenery, location, etc - DOES help and provides energy to let go and move on, emotionally too... without any overhang of guilt, disloyalty or abandonment included.
So, I'm grateful for the time & experiences I had together with Mike and his family. He was a blessing of unconditional love & kindness in a magnitude that still echoes through the present. He showed me more of me, than I knew existed.
The new house is far from "perfect". I'm discovering a LOT of projects - small & large - that are needed to shore up and tighten up this box of bolted beams perched on the cliff. The wood trim around the kitchen sink was left raw wood - no sealer - for instance. Some baseboards are missing - and there's no insulation there. The mechanics that open/close/lock one window is broken. The floor under the kitchen/dining room - and over the garage under - needs to be insulated!! There is currently nothing there.
Last weekend, we had a windy few days and it spit snow. I SHOULD have walked down to the other building and fed the fire in the furnace -- but it's VERY dark here with no "all night" lights and no way to turn on lights where you're walking TO. So, I let the propane take over and maintain the min. temp out there. It's pretty cozy. I did explore the attic space over the studio -- and BONUS -- it's very tall and floored in plywood under the peak!! Even has a light. I have the germs of an idea for what to do with it... but no plans yet.
Holly commented that my furniture still leaves plenty of room to move around in this space, but the space itself is more cozy than the other house. It's definitely not as many steps from one end to the other! But way more steps up & down. The studio is going to continue the "poolhouse" space - our therapy, letting go, and moving on "safe space"... and also evolve into a real work space.
Taking it all in measured strides, really. The space also needs to adjust to having someone here year round, doing the little things needed to care for it instead of just being a "summer" cabin. The former owners certainly did have an eye toward that - about the half the major expenses have already been installed to make this place very comfortable and self-sufficient. A big expense I'm going to have next summer, is upgrading the railings of all the decks - two floors, all the way around - BOTH buildings.
As in all new spaces, not all one's furniture solutions work in the new configuration. So there will be more shopping - which is FUN. I'm not really insisting on keeping "everything" I owned at the other house to fill up the space (nature really does abhor a vacumn I guess) - but even after a ruthless purge, I've got a box full of kitchen gadgets (and hopefully my rolling pins) to try to figure out what to move/rearrange to make some space for. (And I don't have to get rid of it - I have a whole 'nother kitchen in the studio; keep forgetting that.)
Last couple days, I've focused on my bathroom and bedroom. I had the movers put the bed on the only chunk of wall wide enough for it. I want to hang a quilt Holly made for Mike & I there. But I was sleeping looking out the door right to my oak cabinet in the dining room... and it felt "odd". I guess the Feng Shui was wrong. So I moved the bed in front of the door to the deck - it's one of the few with a decently heavy curtain on it - electric fireplace to the side with the door - and now I look straight on to the bathroom window. It's definitely BETTER. I unpacked Mikey's pictures and the clothes that I'm still hanging on to (some of his things fit me OK for working in). I discovered I have a 5 ft wall behind the closet door that's deep enough for some more storage and am now imagining what might go there - for books, my little box collection, mementos, and more storage for clothes, boots, etc.
It's almost getting PRETTY in there; I found some of my favorite pictures, too. The kitchen/dining room floor really needs scrubbed... and it might get a "lick & a promise" today. It's warming up outside and I REALLY need to go organize that garage a lot better, with all the recreational stuff (kayaks & fishing) and the big/little tools. My jeeps are too tall to go through the doors (the rednecks have started to offer me prices for the one...) and I'll need some other type of building to store them out of the weather. Gardening tools could go in another outbuilding, too.
My "chaperone" (the guy the former owners relied on for caretaking) has been here all week with his hunting buddies. They asked and commandeered the little 8x10 shed out by the garden space to use for sleeping while staking out their deer blinds. It cost 'em though. They had to clean out & dump all the junk left in it... then the first night, I kept hearing hammering going on: they built bunk beds! LOL. Have a generator, a heater, and we ran extension cords out too. It's been really nice to have someone around the place while I'm getting used to it at nights. They are quiet, clean up after themselves, and we don't even interact that much. I hardly know they're here - except for the 4 wheelers and rifle shots off in the hills. And I got a fresh roast out of the deal, already. As in, shot that morning.
I also have phone numbers of the guys, if I need some real "man" power to get things done or for any reason. Ronnie will bring his wife over after the "state holiday"; WV takes hunting season very seriously. Not a lot of business getting done right now; everyone's out in the woods. Ronnie and I are gonna have to work on some boundaries... a lot of these guys make a living out of "doing favors" for people and then have expectations... but I don't think that's going to be a problem. My head is starting to clear... priorities getting crossed off the list... and I'm starting to know where things are again.
But all in all, this first month is going pretty smoothly. So far.
