Author Topic: Becoming "me"  (Read 45578 times)

lighter

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #300 on: April 02, 2017, 07:01:06 PM »
Amber:

Kitty will get her bearings soon, I hope.  Maybe putting water dishes in all the areas she's comfortable in will help a bit?  In her hidy holes, and where you'll eventually want her to go for food?

It's glorious here... just beautiful.  I'd sleep outside tonight if DD14 would join me.  Let us know how the visit with sd goes. 

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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #301 on: April 11, 2017, 08:09:14 AM »
Notes from the farm:

Mio-mio is back to normal, except she still isn't quite retrained to go in the box yet. Working on it.

Main contractor isn't much of a communicator. I know what I want, told him... and am waiting for him to tell me if he trusts me to measure the windows, or if he wants to do it, so we can price out replacing them.

Thursday, I get a hitch put on the Cherokee, so I can pick up my "ranch wagon" - a side by side UTV, with things like a snow plow, garden disc, and mower. It'll be customized with a tool rack, etc rednecked up a little bit. I have lots of stickers Mike collected.  :D

Chimney/woodstove guy will be here Friday. It's definitely their slow time, and all we need to consider is the weather.

I've kinda convinced myself to go on and replace the kitchen counter & sink; I still have a leak - my fix didn't stop it - and it's one of those annoyances, that IMO, makes life harder than it has to be.

I moved a bunch of stuff from downstairs out to the studio; then opened every single box in the studio looking for 3 things. Found 2 out of 3. Shifted boxes around, so when I have an extra set of hands here, maybe this weekend, I can set up my 4x8 table top temporarily - till I can make/find useful storage bases. The downstairs is getting a lot more civilized. Ordered some more shelving for the 1/2 of the garage that's going to become my "pantry" and solved the electrical issue; that contractor will back to permanently solve it.

Got a call yesterday afternoon, while I was taking reference photos of the garden area (have at least 3 apple trees) - one of our shop employees was fine one minute, collapsed and died the next right there in the shop. She had been with us since '99. Everyone's in shock and grieving and were allowed to go home early. Brother called last night and we've tentatively decided to cater any memorial service, if there is one. She had no immediate family and one of her closest friends who has worked with us, since the business started in '76, will fill everyone in on plans.

Monday is trash day, and I'm slowly getting all the cardboard boxes & packing material out. Coming back, I had to stop and wait for two gorgeous German Shepherds to move off to the side. Their human kept right on truckin' for a little until she missed the dogs. This would be Gladys, my neighbor who lives closest to the road. Tiny little thing and as white haired as I am. She is a retired librarian and avid gardener. I'm invited down to visit - she lives alone too and was really chatty. And interesting! Reminds me of Beatrice, at the end of our driveway at the previous homestead. She informed me that her middle name is even more unusual in this day & age: IO - from mythology. We were talking about 1st graders "different names" because she volunteers at the elementary school off and on.

I'm a real sucker for someone who's eyes light up and crinkle in laugh lines, reads as much as I do and is firmly planted in her little corner of God's green earth. She's already offered me starts of some flowers that are taking over her beds. Lupines, Larkspur... something like that. We just babbled over a 100 topics in 10 minutes of me blocking the road. LOL. I think I rescued some of her mail that escaped the box one day. It's one of those mailboxes that has doors on both sides.

My geese are still around; along with a pair of wood ducks. And I've actually the seen gobbler that's stalking the hills looking for a sweetheart. Ronnie & Sam were here yesterday down in the "stomping grounds" and I got a chance to catch up with Ronnie. He'll be back with Mike, this weekend to finish moving those pine trees that fell in the storm and drag the brush over the back side of the pond dam.
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lighter

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #302 on: April 12, 2017, 06:54:52 AM »
Notes from the farm:

Mio-mio is back to normal, except she still isn't quite retrained to go in the box yet. Working on it.  That's a relief.... the back to normaql part... not the working on kitty box; )

Main contractor isn't much of a communicator. I know what I want, told him... and am waiting for him to tell me if he trusts me to measure the windows, or if he wants to do it, so we can price out replacing them.  Seemes he can use your measures to give an estimate.... if you accept the price, he can do the measurements for fabrication as he'll be the installer?  Whoever is installing should do those measures has been my experience.

Thursday, I get a hitch put on the Cherokee, so I can pick up my "ranch wagon" - a side by side UTV, with things like a snow plow, garden disc, and mower. It'll be customized with a tool rack, etc rednecked up a little bit. I have lots of stickers Mike collected.  :D  That's going to be so handy, Amber.

Chimney/woodstove guy will be here Friday. It's definitely their slow time, and all we need to consider is the weather.

I've kinda convinced myself to go on and replace the kitchen counter & sink; I still have a leak - my fix didn't stop it - and it's one of those annoyances, that IMO, makes life harder than it has to be.  I have plumbing issues right now too..... not large leaks... faucets drip when anything in the house is running.  I had a dream last night I had a very bad leak out doors.... in like a kitchen utility area I don't actually have.  Weird.  The waste of water, with ANY leak even small ones, coupled with raised water bills can really bring on a spiral if I let it.  It's just time to deal with it. 

I moved a bunch of stuff from downstairs out to the studio; then opened every single box in the studio looking for 3 things. Found 2 out of 3. Shifted boxes around, so when I have an extra set of hands here, maybe this weekend, I can set up my 4x8 table top temporarily - till I can make/find useful storage bases. The downstairs is getting a lot more civilized. Ordered some more shelving for the 1/2 of the garage that's going to become my "pantry" and solved the electrical issue; that contractor will back to permanently solve it.  Restoring order.... YES. 

Got a call yesterday afternoon, while I was taking reference photos of the garden area (have at least 3 apple trees) - one of our shop employees was fine one minute, collapsed and died the next right there in the shop. She had been with us since '99. Everyone's in shock and grieving and were allowed to go home early. Brother called last night and we've tentatively decided to cater any memorial service, if there is one. She had no immediate family and one of her closest friends who has worked with us, since the business started in '76, will fill everyone in on plans.  I'm sorry that happened. I'm driving to check on my SF who had a pretty bad fall... he's missing a lot of skin, and is terribly banged up.  Not sure how that happened, but it's not a good sign.  It's very nice of you and your brother to give the day off and cater the memorial service. 

Monday is trash day, and I'm slowly getting all the cardboard boxes & packing material out. Coming back, I had to stop and wait for two gorgeous German Shepherds to move off to the side. Their human kept right on truckin' for a little until she missed the dogs. This would be Gladys, my neighbor who lives closest to the road. Tiny little thing and as white haired as I am. She is a retired librarian and avid gardener. I'm invited down to visit - she lives alone too and was really chatty. And interesting! Reminds me of Beatrice, at the end of our driveway at the previous homestead. She informed me that her middle name is even more unusual in this day & age: IO - from mythology. We were talking about 1st graders "different names" because she volunteers at the elementary school off and on. 

I'm a real sucker for someone who's eyes light up and crinkle in laugh lines, reads as much as I do and is firmly planted in her little corner of God's green earth. She's already offered me starts of some flowers that are taking over her beds. Lupines, Larkspur... something like that. We just babbled over a 100 topics in 10 minutes of me blocking the road. LOL. I think I rescued some of her mail that escaped the box one day. It's one of those mailboxes that has doors on both sides.  HOW NICE!  One of my neighbors gave me a bucket full of sprouted roots from her Hydrangea bush... a glorisous old thing that produces 80plus lovely white blooms that go lime green and stay that way..... LOVELY!  I'm glad you have a new friend.... I'm glad she has dogs.  Any more thoughts about getting one yourself?

My geese are still around; along with a pair of wood ducks. And I've actually the seen gobbler that's stalking the hills looking for a sweetheart. Ronnie & Sam were here yesterday down in the "stomping grounds" and I got a chance to catch up with Ronnie. He'll be back with Mike, this weekend to finish moving those pine trees that fell in the storm and drag the brush over the back side of the pond dam.

How was visit with SD?  You sound so busy and engaged, Amber: ) 
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #303 on: April 21, 2017, 09:48:11 AM »
Sheesh. I'm in two steps forward one step back mode lately.

Kitty is better - in that she's going potty at least once a day. But she started hiding last week again... just as I was getting ready to clean the stinky mess at the bottom of the steps... I had to give the space back to her again. For a couple days. She's in my bathroom now and I'm trying to collect urine samples for the vet. I've ordered some homeopathic water additive and I'm feeding her canned food in an attempt to keep her from getting too dehydrated. She didn't eat much yesterday.

I don't know if I'm calling the vet and struggling to take her in again or not. She is "herself" - just not feeling well. Everything is working; even if it's not in the box. In the bathroom, I get to love on her bunches and she enjoys that a lot. She's not really playing with her toys. She's happy with this arrangement and not in pain... so I'm just being with her and snuggling.

I've been in a space where I could sense death and grieving and bereavement all around me (not mine personally so much; though that is there too). Online friends; even Holly lost an acquaintance. My guy in charge - who just had an employee die on the shop floor a week ago - is in FL with his wife; her Dad is having surgery and during the pre-op visit, his wife started having chest pains and the doc sent her by ambulance to the ER. By the time the family caught with her -- she was gone. But the number of people affected by this "grief/death" energy seems even bigger than people I'm personally aware of... and it weighed on me. I think it's lifting now; and I'm moving into a different feeling space. Just had to wait it out and be careful not to add any more to it for a little while.

I picked up and brought home my UTV Monday. It's a work vehicle - snow plow for the front and garden disc and mower for the back. It has a winch and a bed for hauling things around and I got the tool rack mounted for shovels, rakes etc. And I have a trailer now! This is how I made the 2 hr trip home with it. My hunting guys were here looking for turkeys, when I got back and they helped me drop the tools off the front & back. The trailer gives me the ability to bring home loads of stone, block, dirt, building materials, etc.

Now I need a barn to put all my garden type stuff in. LOL. That's the next project.

Still in a holding pattern with the contractor to replace windows, doors and build more wall on the house. Good thing I have a list of other ones to call. And same with the beach house sale - my buyers had gotten a good solid contract on their house one day; and the next they terminated it because they believe they can build a house for the same money. I let the realtor talk me into extending the due diligence time frame for their financing a month, but after that, I'm pretty sure my patience will be gone and we'll reactivate the listing.

Looks like I'm going to need a fireplace insert and new woodstove, in order to have wood backup heat so that's a new thing on the list. And I've called the auction company about maybe picking up some large things in my way around here that I don't want and selling them. My hunter guy is interested in my riding mower - and I'm making him a deal on it since he helps out so much. That's another of chunk of space I'll gain. What I can't mow with the UTV, will need a push mower. The riding mower is too big and unstable on my hills. And I don't plan to mow often... it's fascinating watching the wildflowers come up in the area around the house. Goldfish pond needs someone to figure out the equipment or replace it; I have no clue - but there are lots of baby fish.
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lighter

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #304 on: April 21, 2017, 08:20:58 PM »
Well that's a lot going on, Amber.  Your ability to do things on your own has increased..... a very good thing, IME.

::nodding::

The home improvement list sounds like it's coming along, and you're bartering and strengthening connections..... another good thing.

Lots of little fish in your fish pond...... promising.  Is the fish pond something you're happy about, or is it something you're feeling iffy about?  I love ponds, and cultivating moss, but watch for snakes. 

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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #305 on: April 22, 2017, 11:10:08 AM »
Eh - it needs to run aerator & pump & be cleaned from all the tree dirt and leaves that falls into it. The frogs like it. And I imagine I'll have a nice crop of mosquitos too. The kids think it adds a "zen" touch to the cliff... in my mind, it's just one more thing I need to take care of and none of us know how to manage a pond or all the equipment with it. Electrical stuff & water kinda freaks me out. I'd rather not deal with it.

The big pond, however... is a whole different issue and it's more of a resource (fish raising) than a decoration.
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Twoapenny

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #306 on: April 23, 2017, 03:06:13 AM »
Wow Skep you're so busy!  I'm glad that kitty is doing a little better but sorry to hear of the deaths around you, particularly your shop employee.  I'm glad she has you to organise something for her if she doesn't have family to do it.  Your neighbour sounds lovely (as do her dogs!).  Your UTV sounds like my son's dream vehicle!

I'm with you on fish ponds - so much more work than they appear and very easy to kill off the inhabitants.  Ours was filled in by the previous tenants when they moved out and I'm glad they did, I wouldn't have wanted to deal with it.  Even keeping fish indoors turned into an epic saga; eventually they went to live with a man on our road who had a lovely pond (and knew what to do with it).

It's nice reading your updates, I hope kitty continues to find her feet again x

lighter

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #307 on: April 23, 2017, 08:27:34 AM »
It would be a shame to fill in the little pond, Amber.... but maybe it's an option.

The larger pond...... raising fish...... that brings me joy just to think about.

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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #308 on: April 23, 2017, 12:55:12 PM »
Lighter, it seems like a mosquito farm to me - and I already have a problem with bees, wasps & hornets - who are - guess what? - attracted to constant water sources. I LIKE bees; detest wasps; and those big fat hornets too. But not swarming around my house. (I have several ideas/plans to deal with that.) Of course, getting the mechanicals working again should help with skeeters. I have equipment here - but the kids couldn't get things running and I have no clue - so I have to call someone.

I don't feel busy. Quite the opposite. I feel like I'm still procrastinating on the "big sort"... my physical fitness plan and diet (going to slowly migrate to a more ketogenic style of eating). I still spend gobs of time reading stuff online instead of working around here. And I'm conflicted about waiting till the remodel is done before getting back to interior/design stuff and needing storage/functional pieces for things I'm keeping but can't "put away" yet. And the uneasy sense that I'm not really taking care of myself - that I can't attribute to anything concrete... which ties into the fact that since I'm alone a lot... I don't have any external validation sources, or someone to bounce ideas or crazy thoughts off of, except myself or the cat. So, I'm feeling a little "lost in space" I guess.
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #309 on: May 02, 2017, 06:39:46 AM »
Panic.

My mom called; informed me that she and my niece (brother's D) will be here the 3rd week in June. About the time the window/door remodel is in full swing... along with my version of a "barn" raising. She's left two messages already; I haven't picked up. I wonder if my brother knows about this plan?

Part of me wants to explain what's going on and that I won't be able to "visit"; nevermind the fact that I'm trying to get up there this year for the shop board meeting... and I'll see her then. And part of me, is insisting that I oughta be grown up enough at this point to withstand this invasion of my project/retreat space and all the negativity she's going to bring about WHAT I've chosen to do and HOW it's getting done... and how I choose to live through it. (Early mornings; long days; house is going to be a disaster as far as organization.) The less she knows, the freer I feel; the more I feel I own this and it protects me and am not beholden to anyone else's version of "what it can be".

I'll have to run down to the little cabin and get the incense, to remove the evil spirits after she's gone.

Yeah, it's like that.
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Hopalong

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #310 on: May 02, 2017, 09:13:48 AM »
(((((Amber)))))

Ai yi yi. Summoning inner Carolyn Hax, only one idea: it is not visitors', even the most nuclear of biological relatives', purview to inform or announce that they are coming to be in your home at a date you have not agreed to -- for any reason whatsoever.

That's a thing. In adulthood, that really is a thing.

Hax (Washington Post) is full of great assertiveness scripts about this exact thing.

You DO get to set a boundary, breathe, and endure blowback (but only briefly).

love,
Hops
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #311 on: May 02, 2017, 09:55:03 AM »
So... I mustered my experience with Nboss & mom... and bearded the lion in her den. Explained a) you may not have any place to park; I have plans for work around here till October; and she backed off and said that week was tentative. Go figure.

She has health issues - the usual combination of things in geriatrics - that makes this a really bad plan, if you're relying on an 18 yr old, anyway.

And yes, I got the full onslaught of mega-negativity about things going on up there by way of explanation of why she wants to get niece away from there "to talk to her". Poor niece. And once I talk to my brother, between him and her health problems, I have a feeling this trip isn't going to happen. I don't think she wants me to yell at her again about how selfish and inconsiderate she is, like I did while I was moving (and in the process, forgot to pack all my checks - my friend found them when we went back to pick up a few things and do another thorough walk through).

I used to read Hax, quite a bit when I was still getting the Post.

Anyway, I decided I wasn't going to be able to do anything else - or have it go well - unless I took care of this problem FIRST. It even disturbed my sleep. I have to protect myself and reserve the right to stretch the truth SOME, in order to do so. I think she got the idea that whatever little fantasy she has about how things would go on her visit here, wasn't going to be totally in her control.

LOL. I can toss her crap right back at her - and mirror her that way. It's not what she wants, but OH WELL.
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #312 on: May 03, 2017, 07:55:42 AM »
Well, I was TIRED yesterday afternoon after making the effort to get past the "mother thing"... and stop letting it occupy my mind and driving down to pick up my mower. So I took the afternoon "off"... and around suppertime I saw a dark blob out of the corner of my eye... and then heard a "meooooowwwwl" outside. Pretty gray tabby cat on my porch. Friendly too. Wants me to pet it... and it spent the night on the porch and woke me up this morning.

THAT got miomio's attention! They faced off on either side of the glass doors. She hasn't said yet it if it's OK to let the kitty in - but it kinda looks like she does want the company. Only one hissy-fit. So it looks like I have to give kitty some breakfast and a box & a towel to cuddle up in - it's very chilly here this morning. Then I HAVE to go into the city today. Kitty can't come in - altho he/she wants to - just yet. Seems healthy enough... but mio-mio being so skitzy and taking forever to get better, I just don't want to stress her. This visitor is a typical gray tabby barn cat type... and just will not let me alone out here. LOL.

And yes, kitty is HUNGGGGRY. Looks like its been an in/out cat - sure does want to follow me inside.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2017, 08:20:10 AM by sKePTiKal »
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lighter

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #313 on: May 03, 2017, 12:40:31 PM »
::crossing fingers new barn kitty helps miomio's feel better::

sKePTiKal

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Re: Becoming "me"
« Reply #314 on: May 04, 2017, 08:04:27 AM »
We'll see lighter. Kitty snuck in over my feet last night - but I was able to catch her(?), pickup and carry her to the door. She was still at the door bright & early.

mio-mio only eats when I'm there with her; brushing or petting her. She had a good bit of tuna & cod liver oil last night... and then she ran the steps a few times and delivered one kitty "snack". ("Kitty snacks" derives from dogs dining out of cat boxes... )

Mio-mio is still camped out under a recliner; the one I bought for Mike before we were told that he was going right to hospital bed. (It's in "time out" in the basement...) Kitty is now inside - and I fed her in the kitchen. She has all the mannerisms of a young cat; even chewing on my fingertips - but she's BIG. I think there might be a little Maine Coon in this one... but the voice is pretty much siamese. Needs a Viking name once I decide he or she for sure. It's a real pest for attention...

I went to the big city yesterday to spec out my windows/doors so that the contractor can come and measure and get them ordered. Then it'll be 3-4 weeks before they get started. Tuesday, I picked up the mower for my UTV - and managed the trailer hitch up/unhitch all by myself. (Wore myself out too) But I'm waiting till I get some manly help - unless Holly thinks she can manage - before hooking it up. I've still got to tear down the old garden: pathetic fence, move concrete blocks and a couple tires. Then I need to mow there - so that the concrete guy can determine if it's flat enough to build forms/pour and finish the floor for my barn. It's the flattest place on the property - LOL. But it could have a little slope to it - measured in inches not feet.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.