Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Continued healing
lighter:
Thankful and hopeful.....
these are very good things, GS: )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
GS, good work you're doing - even if it is yucky and painful at times - and YES, it's worth it on the other side.
There is almost a formula, an equation that can be written to describe what the persistant experience of PD parents engender in a child's emotional "self". You're uncovering that self, acknowledging the feelings - and the reality of wrongdoing to you... instead of letting that feed the usual defenses we build up to protect that self. That's brave and heroic; you are saving your self.... and in the processing, letting go and breaking the chains of the old patterns.
The next step is figuring out how to let that self come out into the light of day, and shine.
Gaining Strength:
All of my dreams are dark. Each reflects my struggles with rejection.
Last night I had several that I remembered. One was a bit crazy - I was at the airport, getting ready to board. My son was with me but he was staying. We got to the gate and there was a new automated system but no human around to explain or help. I wanted to check in to get a decent seat assignment but not board so I could spend the last minutes with my child. The machine had a little conveyor belt which swallowed up baggage but you had to stand on it to put your board pass through. People behind were impatient, the machine wouldn't take my pass unless I stood on the conveyor belt but if I did that I would not be able to get out. When I looked back my son had disappeared. It was all so maddening and no one would help me.
The feeling evoked by this dream is the feeling I walk through daily life with. With concentration and attention I can shift into a more positive mindset. I do this over and over every day. It is helping me do small things, follow through where I have been retreating. I have one of those needs to follow through as I sit here.and I finally know how to get it done. But I need, long for, that to be my default. This dark place, fear, sense of for doing, failure, rejection on the horizon feeling is taking a toll.
I will take what I have for now and try to grow the hope and more,positive mind state.
lighter:
Sorry the dreams are so dark, (((GS)))
Here's to growing growing hope, and choosing positive thoughts as a matter of habit: )
Lighter
Hopalong:
I know that committing to getting a grip on my ADD and functioning enough
to take care of my life effectively feels like a conveyor belt taking me onto
a rocket that will shoot me out into a layer of atmosphere I've never lived
in before.
I too will be leaving my familiar earth behind. It is scary.
Let's wave as we find our new orbits...
Hops
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