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Continued healing
Gaining Strength:
This brief piece of Jon Kabat-Zinn about thoughts is so helpful for me. It gives me courage to allow myself to be aware especially today when the awareness is excruciatingly painful.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LvLRheIPY90
Gaining Strength:
Kabat-Zinn
Default mode of the mind is to be all over the place. It's called approach avoidance.
Default mode - what's happening when you are not doing anything. Your mind is wandering, an entire field in neurology studies mind wandering. Aka narrative network. Mindfulness is awareness cultivated by paying attention.
Paying attention has to be learned. Attending must be learned. It is learnable. People pay attention in different ways, auditoirly, visually, intuitively. Orchestras first tune their instruments, first to themselves, them together and ultimately in a relational way.
Mindfulness - Paying attention on purpose in the present moment, non-judge mentally.
There is more right with you than wrong with you.
You can't improve performance by trying to improve performance because
The kind of mind that is grasping for an outcome is precisely the kind of mind that gets in the way of the desired outcome.
Gaining Strength:
At this stage in my process, being aware is like sticking my finger in the socket. With attentiveness I can close the circuit and the wretched feeling will attenuate.
Gaining Strength:
The more I process the more other stuff comes up like an endless parade.
Tonight it is sorrow for all these years of so much loss. It is a type of grief. But grief is not eternal and there will be something more beyond this pain. We are more than our pain, more than our worst selves. I have focused on the worst. I learned how to do that, was taught as a child. But now I am unlearning it or better yet learning how to focus on the better parts of me.
lighter:
((((GS)))))
No words.
Just hugs.
Lighter
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