Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Lighter update house purchase 2014 - 20257
Twoapenny:
This all sounds so amazing, Lighter. It's funny how it's a very human response to wonder if we're imagining things or making more of them than we should, despite the fact we can quite clearly tell they are happening to us and making life difficult at times. It seems to be something that most people do. I'm really glad that this is helping so much, it sounds like an amazing experience and I am definitely going to read up on this sort of thing some more once the house move is out of the way.
By funny coincidence, I've been having a big clear out here so your post about the de-cluttering really rang a bell. I have a lot of stuff in my home that I've acquired over the years during times of high stress. My typical defence reaction when being accused of something to do with my son was always to go into supermum drive and 'prove' my worth with elaborate craft projects with him and endless boxes of 'proof' of the work we were doing together at home. How do you prove you love someone and have their best interests at heart, in a practical sense, to someone who has already decided that you are doing something wrong? I've wasted so much time having to prove myself to other people.
So I have been dumping a lot of this stuff. Old memories, bad memories; although the things we made were nice, we made them for the wrong reasons, and everytime I look at them I'm reminded of that particular bad period. I've even dumped them in the bin; usually I go to great lengths to recycle or pass on things, but I felt the need to destroy and so I have. I am feeling lighter, funnily enough :) May have to pinch your username :)
Hopalong:
Lighter, I hope you'll post and post about your Kondo experience...thank you for this glimpse of such sanity!
Tupp, it boggles my mind that on top of the fears and stresses of raising an autistic child as a single parent, you got loaded up with extra stress in the form of intrusion, accusation, judgement and isolation.
If anybody deserves a joyful-gypsy experience for a while, it is YOU. I hope it all leads to rewarding relationships and rewarding work, too.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Tupp:
I bet it feels so good to bin all those reminders of stress, fear, and wrongful accusations. Just pitching... and pitching.... done with.
::nodding::
I uncovered the benches and table on back porch. dd13 dragged Christmas tree and wreath to burn pile.... made me smile to see her smell the tree and smell it..... she said.... "But it smells so good," in a dreamy way. She reminds me of me.
I picked up sticks, and acorns and leaves in the back yard. Blew off the back porch.
After my last my last 6 hours on the table with BIT gal, I really feel this is the best money I've spent in years. I did puzzles, and was amazed at how easy it was. Usually it's a struggle. I could repeat up to 7 numbers without a problem..... she figured out the 5s tripped me up every time, and fixed it.
She also cleared heavy metals.... I've been taking Ziolites in water.... it's volcanic ash that attaches to the toxins so they can leave the body. She also finished all the emotional work, and it was amazing. I figured out I don't hold that many negative grudge type feelings, but the ones I do..... they was powerful. Interesting. We were clearing like mad in the last hour.... which was one hour over the time we set. I felt like we did a lot. Next week it's youngest dd13, and she's looking forward to it, thank goodness.
The BIT gal asked if I passed out last night, and I had to admit I had. Actually I woke up at 1:40am in the bathtub. :shock: I haven't napped in the tub since before I had children, and it was so hard hard hard to wake up. Interesting. I'm beginning to drag right now...... must get dinner, then thing about going right to bed.
Hops: I might clean out my closet this weekend.... that's the first step, which includes taking out every article of clothing, and putting it in the middle of the floor. Anything I miss automatically gets binned, so nothing must be left out. Once that happens, I touch everything one at a time, and ask myself if it gives me joy. Only those things I say YES to may stay. Once I go through every single item I can begin putting things away.
I'm toying with the idea of a garage sa of mostly furniture.
I can get busy painting all the things I've meant to shabby chic...... a bed with matching side table, many chairs, a biergarten table and benches. I'm also going to put the second closet in my master back in order as an office. It's designated as another place to sleep, with tv and narrow bench, but it's just not very useful most of the time.
Lots to do, Hops. You should get the book, and peruse yourself; )
Lighter
lighter:
I finished the Kondo book this morning, and very naturally walked into my bedroom, and started taking things out of my closet. I threw them on the floor, and felt perfectly OK with it.
Had I started before finishing the book I wouldn't have understood what needed to happen, internally, to let go of certain emotionally charged things items I wasn't sure I'd ever let go of.
Kondo tells us to begin with clothing bc she assumes it's less emotionally charged.... she wants us to practice our skills of discernment, but....... there were many ghosts living in my closet. Maybe every woman's closet has ghosts? I'm not sure, but I actually let go of the big fabulous wool sweater my friend used to wear.... she loved it. I loved it on her. I wanted to love it on me, but..... wool. I'm allergic to wool.
Maybe my kids would wear it?
They'll never wear it.
It's scratchy, and has to be dry cleaned..... the kiss of death in this family.
So today I picked up that very special sweater... thanked it for all the years of service it had given my friend, then I remembered all the years of service our friendship had gifted us both. I remembered the best and worst times we shared. How we comforted each other when our lives were shattered... how we laughed the hardest we've ever laughed. She was the last person who knew how special Bill and I were together.... what it was when I lost him. She testified at the trial that saved my life, and she was one of the last people who knew who I really am. She knew how strong I was, and how hard I could hit. She knew Bill loved me, and that I lost the love of my life when I lost him.
THAT is dealing with unfinished business. It means I can send that sweater into the world, and tend to myself in this moment. I'll never have that friendship again, or Bill, or a multitude of things I've lost.... my Mother, the life I thought I had when I married, and had children. What I can do is go on and have other wonderful things, and chances increase as I make space in my life for them.
It's misleading to assume this book is about organization.
It's not.
Honestly, I feel like I could tackle the photos and keepsakes at this point, and not get so mired I couldn't finish.
That's huge progress for someone who's been charged as the family keeper of heirloom china, clothing, photos, and kitchen items from the old farmhouse. And I have to do this when my sister's not here, bc she'd feel obligated to box everything up and take up the post of family keeper. I won't let that happen.
Now..... one of the more difficult items will be the fish plates and a Platter from my Mother in my favorite colors. My Aunt and Uncle told me they thought I should get rid of it, not put it up in my kitchen where I planned..... they think they're ugly. I love the lovely spring greens, and subtle grays in the pattern. I have the mounting discs ready to go, but I've resisted putting them up. Is it bc I don't trust myself? Do I trust my Aunt and Uncle more?
The journey continues.
Lighter
debkor:
Light,
No you don't trust your Aunt and Uncle more of what "you like" I say "Hang Those Plates"!! And enjoy them. I for one probably have a mixture of things in my home. Don't care if some one else "doesn't like it" I do. I have a piece of "every one" in my house. I like old and new. Some how I'm able to make it work. And I love it.
Hang them!!
Deb
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