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Lighter update house purchase 2014 - 20257

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Gaining Strength:
Lighter. It looks like you have found your answer.  Last year I used a consultant to help us find the right school for my, then 14 year Los who has issues similar to your daughters. It was a great help.  She knew the wilderness and therapeutic schools and traveled to the regularly. 

lighter:
GS:

How did the wilderness program work out? Specifically?

I'd really like to hear your opinion on the pros and cons.

Hi'ya Brother Mud. 

"Rise" means dd will meet the challenges she's been avoiding. 

Lighter

mudpuppy:
Gotcha.

mud

lighter:
Update is positive. 

DD researching programs, and has latched onto program we would have chosen for her.

I don't want to jinx this, so will leave it at that for now.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Hmmm. 17....

every option and possibility and choice and emotion in life all settled in around you, staring... arms crossed... demanding that you decide, RIGHT NOW, what the rest of your life is going to be like. When you realize (if you have any self-awareness at all) that you're not even 100% sure you know who your SELF is right now. Hoo boy Howdy. That's a scary place. What if you pick "wrong"? Can you change your mind? Hell, can you - your self - change? Where do you find the answers to those questions????? And who's to say those people know?????

All because you're at a specific age and society expects choices to be made right that moment -- and if you don't make the decision, well... something must be "wrong" with you. If you make a wrong decision (that you want but maybe doesn't make other people happy) will you be shunned? Lose your support system?

It's not that different from being "almost" 60 and finding oneself alone and with all the freedom and choices in the world, too. Give her a big hug from me and tell her you'll always love her -- NO MATTER WHAT.

Some kids are raring to go and know what they want early on. Others change their majors 6 or 7 times in college. This "arbitrary age" and the size and permanence (and expense) of the commitment isn't the right fit for all kids. Some need to get out into the "real world" -- with a lot of support at home -- easing into it. Some are just fine in the college environment. But once again, there is this wacky idea that "one size fits all" and that all students at 17 should be able to make choices like this. And perhaps, when children were beginning to participate in the general chores and economic welfare of the family at much younger ages, that was an appropriate age. But society frowns on that style of parenting these days -- and keeps kids in this over-protective bubble where they don't have the building-block experiences to meet the expectations, which haven't changed over the years. They truly don't have the internalized skills. (This is in general, Lighter... I know you've been working on this with her for a long time. Not a critique of parenting here.)

Any trauma in that kids' childhood just makes things more complicated... and they usually have problems with the idea that they are allowed to have dreams, wishes, wants... and to matter enough to themselves -- to be responsible and determined enough to work for what they want. They may even feel - deep down and hidden somewhere - that IF they allow themselves to matter... bad things will happen. (You know I speak from my own experience, right? May not apply in your D's case; but there could be something else like that bubbling up at this point in her life.)

And I think the wilderness experience is an excellent choice. It should help boost her confidence in what she can do. That "self-efficacy" part of the emotional "nutrition" triad I used to write. Autonomy, self-efficacy and connection. Self-motivation... well, that's always different for everyone; how one arrives at that. Perhaps she'll find it for herself on this trip.

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