Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Lighter update house purchase 2014 - 20257
lighter:
Hops:
I've been doing OK over past 3 days..... parenting seminar had very healthy lunch spread so it was easy to make good choices. I have to say they also had tons of cinnamon buns, candy bars, sodas, gluten breads and cheeses. The salad choices, fresh tomatoes, local organic cucumbers, and lots of ham and turkey, along with a pot of lentils and beans (food our kids prepare and eat every day) made lunch a pleasure.
The seminar was entertaining, and enlightening, but also gut wrenching/scary, bc every parent had to tell their story. Some of the stories were so upsetting I wanted to put my hands over my ears and rock.
What I did instead was listen intently, then fight off teeth chattering, body shaking shock.....
but that was the first morning. Everything uphill from there. Our coach was an amazing teacher, and all the parents were well spoken, lovely people who wanted to please the coach, so it was all positive interactions. I have to say our first physical challenge.... called the Rising Stick, didn't go perfectly, and the type As stood out, as you can imagine, and we learned a lot we put into practice later on. Very cool.
Coach was also skilled at mimicking teenagers. I was particularly impressed with his 14yo teen girl impression.
Dead.
On.
He really was excellent at his job, and everyone wanted to take him home with them.... you could tell. Every parent left that seminar with new skills and lots more hope, which is priceless, IMO.
I have contractors putting in outside shower deck now, which is exciting. I've really missed taking showers out of doors.
Lighter
ps Coach said it's not uncommon for him to boot parents OUT of the seminars for being high, pointing fingers/arguing, etc. I think I was blessed to be in this particular group... very lovely people. Coach said 20% of the parents don't attend this mandatory seminar, FYI. Assuming the kiss my ass I already know everything PD parents reside somewhere in this group. I can imagine not much would get done in those seminars if they were allowed to stay.
Also, most of these kids were hooked into sports at high levels, A students, very bright, etc with their troubles kind of coming out of left field all the sudden around 13yo 14yo. I didn't hear the stories I thought I might.... though I'm not sure what I thought I'd hear.
The level of parenting, and care was super high (lacking balance/too permissive but worked with older children just fine in many cases.) The children, in our group, were all reported to be very easy, happy, loving children up to approx age 13 of 14. Coach said that's the general profile of the kids in this program.
OK.... I still have 3 plants and a handful of bulbs to plant. I'm going out to play in the dirt!
lighter:
DD didn't write a letter to me last week. The Therapist thinks she was hyper focused on making dead fall traps, also neglecting home work in journal, and other things, which is her habit.... to resist doing things she doesn't prefer.
I won't send more photos if she doesn't write her letters.... it's hard work, and there has to be a consequence to not holding her up end of letter writing, IMO.
DD13 and I enjoyed visit with friends this week. I've moved onto smoother ground with eating habits.... cooking for someone with same eating plan helped drive old lessons home, so I'm hitting my stride with less struggle.
I have beautiful sauteed greens cooked ahead in fridge to grab, and throw on and in dishes, like lentils, and meats topped with poached eggs...... very yummy, and I can change up flavor profiles to keep things interesting.
Figuring out different menus and cooking every night is a huge PITA.... same with breakfast, IMO. This will help a lot.... at least for a while.
I have a new yard service, and I'm very happy with their work, so that's done.
DD13 and I are planning Haunted Halloween Trail this year, with Amazon fire pit, liquid refreshments for thirsty parents...... plenty of thrills for tricker treaters. Very exciting! I'm always a Witch. Lots of happy fun decisions to make with my girls. I may have posted about that, but now I have for sure help coming in from out of State, and a couple other parents and teens on board. I'd like this to be an annual event that grows every year now that the kids are too old to Trick of Treat.
Oh..... MCT oil is sort of a lovely replacement for butter, and dairy in coffee. I just tried it this morning, and it's tasteless/odorless..... no problem to use.
I'm going out into this beautiful day to pull weeds and remove suckers on trees..... still have a few things to get into the ground..... I think this is what happy looks like right now.
I have class in Co in October, will be a very busy month.
Paris in June..... I'm past anxiety now that all reservations are made. Using Airbnb was a little nerve wracking... you have to send your picture in, and wait to see if you're approved, at least that was the case with my first choice, and of course I waited till I was a month out to finalize it. Anyone been to Normandy? I don't want to miss anything, and I've given myself 2 days to see it.
I can relax into planning visits with friends between return to States and drive back home bc kiddos will be otherwise engaged.
Staying out of other people's heads (SOOOPH) has been a mindful revelation as of late. Assertive communication doesn't feel comfortable, but I've noticed I'm practicing anyway, and it's a very good thing.
ZERO DRAMA is the order of the day. Cutting off those who bring drama is the second.
That's my update; )
Lighter
Twoapenny:
What I love about this board is that you can read someone's post and say something soothing/comforting or maybe helpful if they're going through a rough patch and you can log on and read that someone's in a really good spot and it makes me smile :) So much good news in there, Lighter, Paris in June?! That sounds like a movie script, what an amazing experience that will be. I can very much identify with staying out of other people's heads; I have noticed only recently how much I get into everyone else's mind and how responsible I feel for other people. I am trying to go along the line that if I am polite and respectful then how or what other people do is up to them, not down to me. Feels a bit like new shoes, not really comfy with it yet but it feels like the right way to go so I understand where you are coming from there and yes to no drama and cutting out those who bring it is also so important.
Food, yes, I have fallen off the wagon again, I find breakfast and grabbing quick snacks are my downfall, we've a couple of quiet days at home so I'm going to focus on getting some good food prepared and ready so that I don't fall into the biscuit trap. Glad to read you are getting back on track with yours :)
Halloween sounds fabulous, Lighter, what beautiful memories you'll be making for those kids, they're the things you look back on and smile, aren't they? We're not into Halloween in such a big way in the UK (although it's getting bigger) but my son has a real thing about dressing up as a werewolf so that is usually our theme :)
DD sounds like she is having a fabulous time, I am finding the separation and change from dependent child to independent adult interesting but trying as well. There are times my son is like a proper grown up and other times he's like a five year old again; there's no warning which one is present at the time and I am finding having to judge how to be and respond hard work! But we've been having lots of belly laughs recently, we have the same warped sense of humour which is nice and he has my love of reading. He's been writing his own stories recently and I love the creativity in them and the way his mind spirals in lots of different directions.
Fabulous update Lighter I am so happy that you are in this happy place right now :) x
lighter:
Staying out of other people's heads.... boundaries..... all good works for us, IMO.
Last night I resisted the urge to stay up hours to comfort buddy going through recent break up. He needs to sink into the sadness, and feel it. I've been a distraction to keep from doing that, and I told him this morning I can't do that any more. He understood without any weirdness, and that kind of assertiveness is new, but right, and good for me, IMO.
Same with out of State friend I visited for 2 days/2 nights to help move her out of paralysis within her home... she paints furniture, which I love too, and we share that, but she had her house so chucked full of furniture she couldn't turn around.... I mean FULL. All her paints and supplies were scattered throughout the rooms, under and between furniture items in different stages of work. She'd been buying more, bc she couldn't find anything, which just make things worse.
I spent all my time there gathering her supplies, moving furniture ready to sell into a consignment situation, and beginning process to determine best flow to move furniture in, get it done, and store till ready for pick up.
To end chaos we determined she needs to limit her business to custom orders, raise her prices, and extend delivery dates by many weeks, but still SOOOO much left undone.
These decisions were BIG, but she needs so much more help.... I just had to do what I could then step out. I'm learning.... seems you're learning similar lessons right now, Tupp: )
Paris will be wonderful, and I'm looking forward to it. We both have interesting new journeys ahead of us.
As I was writing this I received E mail from attorney which spiked adrenaline dump, as per usual response. I really hate that, but it appears we're sneaking up on final courtroom drama. COULD this be IT? I don't know,but I'm ready to end this now. I'm already beyond it in my head, and it's one of the major shifts for me, I think.
Tupp, if you haven't listened to the Love and Logic parent series on DVD it's a really good tool for dealing with our teens, IMO. Not sure if I mentioned it, but it's helpful, IME.
Lighter
lighter:
It's time to finish dealing with the Trustee as the final legal case.... hopefully the final one.
I've done the research, and now I have to make copies, and scan everything into the computer and send to attorney so he can understand what evidence we have before we discuss final options.
It was a pretty big adrenaline dump, which I'm used to, but I noticed I'm recovering more quickly, which is good.
I'm also feeling beyond, and outside of the struggle this time. It's not IN my head, with me, if that makes sense. I know what I have to do... I've done it many times before, and the results are always in my favor, so I'm going to prepare for a trial without the usual fear....
I just don't believe this Judge has been bought off or manipulated. I don't. That would be the largest fear, and it's not in my head, so I'll leave it sit without giving it any attention.
This is growth, IMO.
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