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Do Ns Ever Change Feelings for Golden Child

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Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sunblue on March 10, 2016, 01:24:27 PM ---Thanks Twopenny.  I'm so glad you were able to see it and get some help...although it is a lifelong battle.  As for my sister, no, my sister does not see the family dynamic and would certainly never seek out help.  In some ways, she's more N than my mom.  But, I do think it may be that as my sister deals with more drama in her own life, my mom wants less to do with it because the focus is no longer on her.  My mom's  relationship with the Golden Child ruined our entire family and now, my mom is keeping her distance from her.  Very strange and sad.  I thought with my dad gone, those two would be closer and more dependent than ever.  Instead, my mom seems to be keeping her distance.  But her narcissism is more prevalent than ever.  Her complete and lack of interest in me never ceases to amaze me. 

The Golden Child refused to have anything to do with my dad's care when he was sick, his funeral arrangements, etc.  Now, I realize it will be the same for my mom when her time comes....And since my brother walked away from our family and went very limited contact (usually just to benefit his daughter), the sad truth is I will be left holding the bag for everything. 

I am thinking of starting counseling myself as I realize my lack of a self, lack of a voice, has caused a lot of damage and is a great hindrance in my current job search and cause for a lack of relationships in my life.

Such a sad and damaging disorder this is.  Anyway, thanks for sharing your family dynamic.  I'm so sorry you had to experience it but am glad you were able to recognize it and get some help.  I hope things are better for you now.

--- End quote ---

Hi Sun,

I think you are probably right, if your Nsis isn't focusing as much on your mum it would make her less inclined to want to be around her - they have to be the centre of attention.  I would really, really recommend counselling, it helped me so much.  Learning to focus on yourself is hard (and I could see traits of my mum in myself and that I was heading in the same direction which scared the bejesus out of me) but it's also incredibly empowering and can bring so many good things to your life as well.  Keep us posted with how it's all going x

Hopalong:
At the verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry end (age 98) my mother acknowledged that my brother was not golden.

That 5 minutes was massively healing.

It didn't mean that I became golden.

Nobody's gold. We're all just human.

What a relief.

(Sun, I echo what Tupp says about counseling. Imo, you deserve more than years more misery focused on your biofamily. I was in my 50s before I began to feel moments of relief...an occasional breath of air into my hunched-over soul...a sense that I could actually grow even a little wise. Just wise enough to get my head out of the bucket of Nness it'd been crammed into.

I wish you for that you won't wait this long, to fight with every scrap of self you can summon...to heal your life and break free.

Hops

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