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Random Writing, do I have writer's block...? - ? + ? X ?

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Meh:
Do I have writers block. Am I depressed. Am I self absorbed. Am I lonely. Do I as too many questions. Am I trying enough. Am I working for myself. Am I giving up. Should I give up. Is it okay to accept lower physical health and chalk it up to age. Am I too tired. Am I sleeping enough. Am I too lonely. Am I lonely enough to be motivated. Am I afraid enough to be motivated. Do I want to be motivated. Do I want to be motivated by fear. Do I self censor too much. Do I like this song. Is this song anti feminist. Am I sick of love songs YES. Specifically country love songs. Have I ever fell in love to a country song NO. Am I drinking too much alcohol NO JUDGEMENT as I now allow myself to do what I enjoy. Is drinking ruining my complexion COFFEE is. Am I cold. Should I shut the window. Does the window open feel good. Should I take a nap. Should I read. Do I need glasses. Do I need an eye check up YES I AM WAY over due. Do I miss reading HELL YEAH. Am I assertive enough. AM I a bitch. Could I should I be more polite YES. Is it hard to be polite. Do I have the stamina to get what I need via politeness. Am I getting what  WANT  no. AM I getting what I need NO. Am I full YES do I keep eating YES. Can I help myself yes. Can I let myself GO. IS there any benefit to discipline SCREW YOU. Enter

Am I boring YES. AM I boring YES. AM I boring YES. AM I tired of listening to my own thoughts YES. I tell myself I am boring daily.

Was I late for work again YES. Do I feel guilty and stressed yes. Is it minor or major stress. Do I even know how stressed out I am. Do I know how to measure stress. Is it something anybody can measure. It's simmering I really believe so. Am I in control. I am forced to take responsibility for everything but I am not in control and the world doesn't want me to be. The word as if the universe cares. ENTER

this morning I was imagining my TO-DO list. It turned into a pair of shark's teeth and started opening and closing it's mouth, this was when I was on my way to work

My minutia is a huge part of my mental energy. It fills up my time and energy, it fills my thoughts. My little often repetitive thoughts fill up my loneliness. My mind is full. I am behind. Even when I make appointments and do the appointments they don't always go as planned. I have no control. I have no control. I have no control. I have no control. I have no control. I just feel like writing this over.

Am I an adult. AM I stunted. Am I legit. Am I left-overs. ENTER.. Take a break.

I have a cough that started today. I asked a foreign guy from a dating site to send me a photo of his chest. I am that pathetic. I am alone. Feel even worse. I feel unpicked. It's like the ultimate dodge ball. I am touchy about getting haircuts. My hair is the only thing anybody ever complements me on and currently I just got a haircut that I hate. I want to take a nap, I want to write. I don't know why I want to write. If I don't write I can't keep track of my own thoughts. Do I need to keep track of my thoughts. A guy from a dating site told me to get medication. They he asked to meet me for coffee- I don't think he is attracted. I don't even think he looks intelligent. It looks like a goofy cartoon behind a human mask. I think about being a mask. I wish I had friends that I was a human around without a mask. Do I even have a mask. I lose track of myself, I listen to customers all day long. My back is a little sore. I don't stretch. ENTER I have boogers welling up in my throat, Enter now. I know I have cold medicine pills somewhere. when am I going to push enter.  Dudes my age on dating sites can just now decide they want to start a family. I never wanted one yet I am hateful that it's unfair. Males and females biological timelines. Censoring self.

Almost all guys on dating sites post old photos where they were less bald and more skinny. I Always feel physically not good enough. I want to insert the word to make it say I almost always feel physically underrated. My toes are cold I want to get under covers. It's not late. something in the air smells like burning bergamot n?

Twoapenny:
G, my brain has been full of jumbled, endless, back to back thoughts like that for so many years.  I've been going through old diaries and sometimes there are pages of streams of consciousness, no punctuation, no pauses, the topic changes endlessly, the handwriting changes, as does the style and the vocabulary.  I have struggled with it all for so long and I've recently found a couple of letters I wrote while I was in therapy and to be honest I think I'm lucky my T didn't phone a doctor straight away because they're verging on scary.  I've found in the past that the 'jumble' is hiding/covering up big, important stuff, painful stuff that needs to come out but that I don't want to/can't face.  Things are better now than they used to be.  Complementary therapies have helped me - they're not for everyone but I've found acupuncture very helpful and the osteopath puts my back back together for me every couple of months.  I just mention it in case it might be something to look into.  With hindsight these 'intense' phases for me have always precluded periods of shift and change.  Hard to do.  Hard to manage.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((G))))))))))))))))))))))))) x

Hopalong:
Well, I think you're just a poet, Boat. Maybe ADD too? (My go-to bonding category...)

Welcome to the think-like-a-butterfly club.

But you are NOT boring, and that's a lousy inner mantra. Hope you'll fight back.

love
Hops

Meh:
Hi Hops  :)

Meh:
I'm just feeling sad and lonely. Finishing my tea and going to sleep. Just sitting alone on Friday, it's what I normally do.

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