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a date with an N

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Ales2:
About a second date... As much as I agree with avoiding people with red flags, I also believe we all deserve second chances ...in case our intuition is off or we/are can/be oversensitive.

Not saying you are... Hops..but would be interested if there was a second date like Lighter said.  Again, if at minimum you don't feel safe or comfortable, listen to that.

 :P

Hopalong:
Well, I also tried to figure out why I spent an hour reading reviews of The Gift of Fear today.

Hmmmmm.

I already emailed him my "No" and it felt very right.

I'll drum up another date sometime and keep you posted!

 :)

Hops

lighter:
We'll look forward to reading about that next date, Hops: )

Light

sKePTiKal:
O Brave Hops...

The Queen of Excuses (moi) is still resisting a first meeting with penpal and salutes you.

Hopalong:
Hi PR,
Well ymmv, but one of the most helpful tips I absorbed from one book or another was (right for me, in my circumstances...and maybe not for you) when you do want to venture into an actual relationship...to avoid penpal things. The reasoning was, no matter how much you feel you've connected in writing, you simply can't know whether there'll be any chemistry at all in person. That's ineffable, unknowable, and really important. (Doesn't have to be mad passion chemistry, but just enough spark.)

It's really more about the "engine of online dating" -- because that's normally what it is, coffees with lots of people before one clicks. Not so much for someone in relative isolation who's expecting to leave that area, as you are.

But it really made sense for me. Writing, opining and being verbose are my comfort zones. It's my best trick to trot out, but it's about 5% if not less of what a real relationship is made of. What matters is how I can talk to and listen to someone in the flesh, how we'd made small and large negotiations, whether we share humor in the moment, enjoy doing things together, compromising/cooperating on space, time, activity levels, meals, etc.

Somehow I get a lot more information about that even in one hour than I could over months of doing the writing thing.

So that writer's advice is to meet, in person, as soon as is conceivable, when there's interest. The interest does not have to result in continuation or commitment. But the most important screening after only SOME writing...is to meet.

Makes sense for my situation--local and dealing with the local pool because I don't want to move....

So I think meeting midway for that coffee as soon as you can will be really useful to you. Then again, if you prefer his comfort and companionship in cyberspace for now...there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't fantasize about someone you genuinely don't "know." As in the "know" you can only have when someone is sitting near you. The intuitive, internal, nearly unconscious "know" that only presence creates.

That said, there are likely many, many accounts of successful, happy relationships that were epistolary for ages before the people even met.

So having opined all that, you should ignore me and do what works for you!

Jeez. Feel ridiculous but will post this anyway.

Love
Hops

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