Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Quick Hello
Twoapenny:
Thank you for those lovely messages, everybody, I have got hold of one of those dongle things which seems to be working at the minute so am starting to read through the threads - I've missed a lot! We hit a bit of a wall here at home and a lot of things seemed to come to a head together and it all got a bit much. My son's health took a real nose dive; he seems to be climbing out the other side again now but it has been very difficult and his current unresolved health issues have just been going on for a long time and I think it got a bit much for both of us. He's also going through his teenage years - normal development, I know, and everyone does it (plus he's actually doing it during his teenage years, I think I did it in my thirties!) and I have to say there are times when I really miss my little boy. Part of life, I know, and I'm glad he's where he is but I have been finding the moods and the 'keep away from me' attitude a bit wearing at times (even thought I no it's normal and nothing to worry about).
So that's part one. Our van - our lovely escape and first step to freedom - has got so many things wrong with it that it has cost me more in repairs now than I paid for it in the first place (and certainly a lot more than I thought it was going to cost). It also seems that the 'friend of a friend' who did some of the work has done a bad job which needs to be redone so we are still not out of the woods with it yet. The extra cost has meant I've had to dip into my moving house savings - glad they were there and available but it does mean the house move has been put back, partly because of money and partly because my son is still waiting for tests and moving to a different area now would mean we have to go to a different doctor and start the long wait to be seen all over again. Everything got a bit too much and I am on tablets for stress now, which do seem to be helping.
So - the good stuff :) The enforced internet break has got me out of my habit of faffing about online instead of getting on with things I need/want to do so I am working hard not to fall back into that trap of using it to avoid stuff.
Our contact with the public sector due to both our health problems has been very positive and has gone some way to repairing some of the damage done by early years very negative experiences so that is helping and I am trying very hard to leave the past where it is and to try to keep things in perspective now and focus on enjoying life more and worrying less.
I've had zero contact from 'old' friends - the ones I was worrying about staying in contact with after we move - which has meant I don't need to make a decision about what to do as they've kind of made that decision for me. I've also been surprised at how easy it has been to be more like me without contact with people who seem to like me a certain way? I don't know if that makes sense but there are people I don't feel I can be myself around. I am trying hard to focus on the good friends I do have and to enjoy them and it is getting easier to do that and not to think/fret about others.
I am feeling less 'victim' and more positive about where we're at - more accepting, I suppose, and trying to work on enjoying our current situation rather than changing it into something I think I will enjoy more? Although still working on longer term changes as well.
The van is a great talking point, I've had some lovely chats with people about their experiences of travelling and recommendations of places to visit so I am looking forward to getting away in it once all the work is done and we can actually use it!
Anyway I think that is all for now. Will do some more reading and catch up on some more threads later :) x
Hopalong:
Awww, ((((Tupp)))).
It's like you were just pulling out of the harbor with your skull and bones flag aloft and suddenly got rammed by an orca.
I'm so sorry you've had some setbacks.
Especially a crisis with your son.
I hope you can replenish the moving coffers soon and find a way to launch as soon as weather allows.
Thank you for catching us up.
Comfort and courage,
Hops
lighter:
Hi Tupp:
Plans are made and tweaked according to circumstances. Not changed....still same plan....just tweaking timeline IMO. Slowed not derailed.
These things happen.
I'm sending healing thoughts your way and hoping your little chap recovers ASAP.
Light
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on May 15, 2016, 06:15:23 AM ---Awww, ((((Tupp)))).
It's like you were just pulling out of the harbor with your skull and bones flag aloft and suddenly got rammed by an orca.
I'm so sorry you've had some setbacks.
Especially a crisis with your son.
I hope you can replenish the moving coffers soon and find a way to launch as soon as weather allows.
Thank you for catching us up.
Comfort and courage,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Funnily enough, Hops, this seems to be a recurring theme in my life, I'm all set to charge off into some new adventure and something happens and I either stay put, or, more usually, the situation actually gets worse. And then I think I think about it all too much - am I afraid of change, do I self sabotage, is my mum's hold over me so strong she's creating bad things in my life, is it my negative thinking, or the flip side of that, is there some amazing life event about to happen that will only occur if I stay put so the planets are conspiring to keep me here so that my son's health will miraculously resolve or Mr Couldn't Be More Right can move in next door or my book will be published and I'll be around to show off in front of everyone who slagged me off and put me down and ignored me when I needed a friend. And then I think I just think too much and try and focus on eating well and being 'in the moment' and not trying to analyse every little thing, and then I get bored and start dramatizing in my head again. I do find as I get older I can understand why my mum turned to drink - although I am very determined not to go down that road but as a coping mechanism it does make sense :)
Thank you for the kind words. I've been catching up on threads, I'm sorry to read that the wheels have fallen off your wagon as well just lately :( xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 15, 2016, 10:46:17 AM ---Hi Tupp:
Plans are made and tweaked according to circumstances. Not changed....still same plan....just tweaking timeline IMO. Slowed not derailed.
These things happen.
I'm sending healing thoughts your way and hoping your little chap recovers ASAP.
Light
--- End quote ---
Hi Lighter,
Yes, tweaked and trimmed but still there, we might move to a different area now that's cheaper but still nice, would just mean we can still go reasonably quickly. I feel a bit like I got to the end of my prison sentence and then they added another six months for no reason. But waiting longer will make it even better when it gets here, right? :)
Thank you for the healing thoughts. I've started reading about your D going away to camp, it sounds amazing :) xx
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