Metaphor for Nism

[Ales2]

Just sharing a metaphor I used to summarize what its like for a person with Nist parents....


When you become an adult, you take responsibility for your own life, i.e being the driver of your own car. Your N-abusive parent is a very loud backseat driver who belittles and criticizes your every move. (They don't have to be "in the car" i.e "in your life at the present time", the internal critical voice of self doubt and shame is already there). They may comment negatively on how you drive, what you choose to buy, how much it costs, etc. Some will criticize and prophesize (you will kill yourself in that car, you can't afford that car, you don't deserve that car etc).

At some point, you are ready to dump this backseat driver, leave them at the side of the road, get on with your life, move forward. That is going NC. For some of us, the real Narcissists, dont allow us to move on, they show up and attempt to derail, sabotage, interfere, and undermine our lives. At every juncture we face, we can find ourselves in a place to go backwards or take a detour and pick up that backseat driver again.

I let her get back into my car, and I very much regret it.  When I move on this time, I will not look back.  

Have a great week everybody.

[Ales2]

Im just looking for a roadmap forward,  away from my backseat driver, an ability to get their faulty directions out of my head and a reliable means of transport, so I can stay away from detours that will lead me backwards.

Does this make sense to anyone else? 

[Gaining Strength]

Sadly, I do get it.  My parents, both deceased now, took up residence in my unconscious, subconscious, and conscious mind in my youth.  They are no longer welcomed but still reside there.  My focus is allowing them to emerge so I can roll the windows down, open the doors and let them out.  For decades I bopped them down like whack-a-mole and that was a terrible disservice.

[Twoapenny]

Im just looking for a roadmap forward,  away from my backseat driver, an ability to get their faulty directions out of my head and a reliable means of transport, so I can stay away from detours that will lead me backwards.

Does this make sense to anyone else? 

Hi Ales,

Yes, this makes perfect sense.  I haven't spoken to my mum for ten years now, but I still hear her voice in my head before I hear my own, I have to consciously push her out and put myself in the driving seat!  When I'm tired, stressed out, frightened or anything like that she takes over and I just have to rest up until I'm strong enough to push her out again.  I try and tell myself it's really important to give my son good messages to play in his head so that if my voice is the one he's still hearing in his 40's it will be telling him good things, not driving him mad

[Ales2]

Wow GS and TP ..... thank you both for your posts, validations and observations! Both are right on and very, very helpful!

All the best to you !

[Ales2]

Ive been thinking of trying hypnosis to kick the "backseat driver" to the curb once and for all and get a more solid roadmap.  (Sorry for all the metaphors).

Intellectually, I know all the answers/what to do/what to avoid etc. (i.e focus on the roadmap/my plans, not the backseat driver/my NMother) but the subconscious pull is still very strong.

Anyone else tried hypnosis for these subconscious thoughts?

[Twoapenny]

Ive been thinking of trying hypnosis to kick the "backseat driver" to the curb once and for all and get a more solid roadmap.  (Sorry for all the metaphors).

Intellectually, I know all the answers/what to do/what to avoid etc. (i.e focus on the roadmap/my plans, not the backseat driver/my NMother) but the subconscious pull is still very strong.

Anyone else tried hypnosis for these subconscious thoughts?

Haven't tried it for family related stuff but did use it to give up smoking and it worked like a charm for that - am now thinking perhaps I should try it for the family stuff!

[Ales2]

 

Thanks, TP --- I am thinking about it!

~Ales2

[Hopalong]

Hypnosis changed (and saved) my life.

Best book I ever read about this, convinced me to the CORE, is The Wisdom of Your Subconscious Mind.

It's out of print but you can find cheap copies on Amazon. I read it in the 70's. Here's a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Your-Subconscious-Mind/dp/0139614826/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1463516197&sr=1-1&keywords=the+wisdom+of+your+subconscious+mind

Wisdom in the 70s is still wisdom in 2016--I promise.

xo
Hops

[Ales2]

Thanks so much for the recommendation on the book Hops. Getting it from a local library for a weekend read. Without having read it, have to say though, hypnosis is action oriented, and I kind of favor that. Knowledge is great, but its no secret that people who master themselves leverage/use their knowledge to their advantage.  We all know far more than we actually use.

Have a great week!