Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Tips for Boosting Self Esteem
Twoapenny:
I've been thinking today about what I feel I need to have in my life to feel happy/content, what makes for a good life, I suppose. So far I have got:
Good friends/healthy relationships
Having fun
Helping other people
Being appreciative
Keeping the body active
Healthy eating
Living in nice surroundings
Earning money in an enjoyable way
Good friends/healthy relationships - well, we all know my struggles with that! I have got some very good friends but I do tend to over focus on the not so good ones. I think I need to really work on my need to be 'liked' and thought well of by everybody, and sort of being all things to all people. I am getting there slowly, but I want to try very hard to keep my attention on the good people I know and perhaps trying to reach out a bit more to try new things/places in an effort to get to know some more people. I do realise now my low feelings about myself mean I don't often approach other people or initiate conversation unless I'm forced to (ie one of those difficult situations where you're in an enclosed space with someone and it's more difficult to avoid talking than it is to talk). I did spend some time yesterday planning some trips and days out over the summer and I have got a couple of social things coming up in the next few weeks so steps in the right direction, I think.
Having fun - now this I really struggle with and you'd think that would be easy! When I was younger I was always drunk, high or stoned and that was how I enjoyed myself, so I never really got to know what I like to do. I didn't stop all of that until my boy came along so everything since then has had to be done within the confines of the home or cheap enough to enable me to pay a babysitter so I do feel a bit stuck as to what I really enjoy so I think I'm going to have to try lots of things and see which ones I really like and which I'm just doing to fill in the time.
Helping other people - well I do that too much so I think I need to find some sort of voluntary work so that I can help people but also be reined in when necessary, plus I'd be helping people who actually need/want help rather than just running around after people when I shouldn't be.
Being appreciative - I do need to work harder at this as I do tend to see negatives and gloss over good bits. I do meet some lovely people from time to time who are just kind, friendly, helpful and so on so I need to focus on that more and also, I think make more of an effort to tell my very good friends what very good friends they are.
Keeping the body active - well I did some yoga this morning and I ache all over now! I am busy during the day but not usually with things that I really enjoy so I think I need to find some new places to walk with my son and try to do some yoga more often.
Healthy eating - I do struggle, I am a biscuit monster but I have tried very hard over the weekend and have done pretty well, I think, so I think I just need to keep working on trying to find other ways to comfort myself instead of stuffing my face.
Living in nice surroundings - well my house is as nice as it can be but obviously I don't like the area and want to move, there isn't a huge amount I can do about that at the minute so I will just have to keep focusing on that changing and be ready for it when it happens!
Earning money in an enjoyable way - well that is a very tricky one for me, I am going to have to give that some thought and see what pops up but I think that's probably a really big conundrum for most people these days, we all need cash but very few get up in the morning delighted about the day ahead of them so I will have to put my thinking cap on there.
Anyway I think that's enough for now, that is plenty to be getting on with!
Twoapenny:
Something funny has happened (funny in a good way), whether these things are linked or not I don't know but I will explain what's been going on.
I have been meditating on and off for a while now, have enjoyed it and found it helpful. A few days ago I did a meditation on finding your soul mate, just a short one I found on YouTube. I've been single for a very long time and as I'm trying to boost myself a bit now I thought this would be interesting to meditate on.
It's a guided meditation so you're talked into a state of relaxation and then you're asked to visualise various things, at which point you're supposed to sense your soul mate nearby; you might not be able to see them but you're on a beach, it's all very relaxing and so on. I saw not my soul mate but my step-dad, and I had an overwhelming urge (within the meditation) to beat, torture and kill him. I let my imagination do what it wanted; it was very violent, unpleasant and really not at all characteristic of me and the sort of thing I usually find quite frightening but I just went with it. As the meditation finished I found I was smiling and feeling very content and calm. I decided not to let this worry me; it's an imaginative act in my mind and has no bearing on my real life and my behaviour day to day, so I just got on with my day as usual.
Since then, however, I have felt as though some sort of obstacle or blockage has been lifted. I've felt calmer than I have in many, many years - I am on tablets for stress at the moment so obviously they have a calming effect anyway but this feels like something deeper than that - and I've felt more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. I've also found, bizarrely, that my phone has been ringing frequently; I can go more than a week at a time without the phone ringing at all which is something that always makes me feel very lonely so this flurry of activity is unusual. I also decided to give online dating a go again and have had some very nice chats with some nice people - no smut or hook ups (a couple have asked but I just said no thanks and they've left me alone) and one chap in particular seems very nice and I've said I will meet him for a drink.
It almost feels as if the spectre of my step-dad has finally been moved in some way. Very strange, I don't know what to make of it but anyway, thought I would write it up here before it gets lost in the sea of day to day activity again.
lighter:
What an uplifting post, Tupp.
About the visualizing things that are scary, but need to be felt, and dealt with.....
I know just what you mean.
::nodding::
I'm also experiencing the phone ringing, with many folks reaching out to me, which is a definite shift I attribute to my energy too. Funny it's happening for both of us at the same time..... mine started about 2 weeks ago.
I had 2 groups of folks ask to visit this past weekend, and it was......
nice.
Honestly, I can't think of anything negative... it was all positive, with me handling things (that might have been a bit bothersome/awkward) with calm assertiveness, which is new for me. SO freeing to shed feelings of obligation to manage anyone elses feelings.... I just focus on my own, and resist jumping in where I end and others begin.
Truth be told, I did jump a couple of times, and noted very clearly that it was a mistake, which drove the lessons home, rather than creating shame. Still learning, and trying to be very patient and calm with myself while doing it; )
((((Tupp))))
You sound great: )
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 24, 2016, 01:30:23 PM ---What an uplifting post, Tupp.
About the visualizing things that are scary, but need to be felt, and dealt with.....
I know just what you mean.
::nodding::
I'm also experiencing the phone ringing, with many folks reaching out to me, which is a definite shift I attribute to my energy too. Funny it's happening for both of us at the same time..... mine started about 2 weeks ago.
I had 2 groups of folks ask to visit this past weekend, and it was......
nice.
Honestly, I can't think of anything negative... it was all positive, with me handling things (that might have been a bit bothersome/awkward) with calm assertiveness, which is new for me. SO freeing to shed feelings of obligation to manage anyone elses feelings.... I just focus on my own, and resist jumping in where I end and others begin.
Truth be told, I did jump a couple of times, and noted very clearly that it was a mistake, which drove the lessons home, rather than creating shame. Still learning, and trying to be very patient and calm with myself while doing it; )
((((Tupp))))
You sound great: )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Oh wow Lighter that's so cool that it's happening to you too! I am noticing I can be more detached and see my actions/reactions as they are rather than feeling negative about them; as you say, without shame. I tried the internet dating again; I noticed I tend to want to approach men who I immediately feel are better than me and who live a lifestyle that is completely incompatible with mine. So I've very deliberately made myself chat with 'normal' men; I think it's the fear of getting close to someone that makes me reach out for people who really aren't suitable. I've had some lovely conversations and found I've enjoyed myself; I also saw someone on there who I went out with over twenty years ago, contacted him and we've just had a nice chat on the phone. How funny that a similar thing is happening to both of us, there must be something in the air! I just feel more like a human being than someone who is pretending to be one, if that makes any sense? Some of the background voices have stopped and that constant negative echo isn't as strong as it used to be.
Here's to good times and enjoying them when they happen :) xx
Hopalong:
I just feel more like a human being than someone who is pretending to be one, if that makes any sense? Some of the background voices have stopped and that constant negative echo isn't as strong as it used to be.
Absolute WOWness, Tupp. WOWzatude! WOWzerama!
Oh so pleased to read this.
hugs,
Hops
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version