Hi Ales,
I would have to agree that you need to let this friend go. As others have said, people who haven't lived it really don't get how toxic N-parents can be. Still, a true friend would listen to you and believe you. I've had this happen before, and it's very very hard to deal with. Those of us with N-mothers have a lifelong struggle of not being believed, so whenever someone doubts us, is like pouring salt on our wounds. What your mother has done to you is so incredibly evil, having someone pressure you to forgive is just wrong. I understand how hard this must be since this is a close friend, but the last thing you need is to have someone attempting to invalidate such a serious situation.
What you said about your friend being "fixated on forgiveness" was something that completely terminated my relationship with my brother (the golden child) and his wife. In textbook form, my brother married someone just like his mother (a raging N), and N-Mother quickly learned how to manipulate her and use her against me. Shortly after I went NC with my mother, I got a lengthy email from my SIL, defending my mother. It included the sentence: "We only get one set of parents in life, and no matter what you think they did wrong in your childhood, part of being an adult is letting those things go and accepting your parents as they are." Long story short, that email was the last communication I ever had with my brother and SIL. For me, "part of being an adult" is having nightmares in my 50s about things that were done to me in my teens. I never even considered trying to defend myself to my SIL. Daughters of Ns are the victims of pure evil. It's hard enough to live day-to-day with that pain, let alone people who try to marginalize our experiences. Be it a friend, therapist, relative, whatever ... I remove them from my life. I have to.
K
